DiscussWorldIssues - Socio-Economic Religion and Political Uncensored Debate - View Single Post - A NRI's dilemma-an interesting poem.

**Fegasderty** · 06-08-2012, 07:58 PM

Dear Sri. Naina, Greetings.

I refer to post #7. It may be quite possible, his parents gave very hard time to his brother too. I have a massive doubt... what is wrong if the parents go to an aged care facility? Why should the children feel guilty about that? I can't fathom that. Before someone tells me I have to experience it when I become older, I have to say I have worked in aged care facility for few years and I know how well they are pampared in such facilities. It is hard to look after them like that at home.

Cheers!

Raghy Sir:

I agree that there are cases where parents had given hardtime. But largely I would suspect that it is on matters of discipline (as defined generally by the surrounding society, and particularised by the parents based on their own financial standing). And, of course, most children will rebel against it. But if the parents have enabled their children to get a good education, especially when it involves wholesale sacrifice of their own personal needs and comforts, filial bonding and piety should trump all else.

You were wondering:“what is wrong if the parents go to an aged care facility?” Nothing wrong, except when the parents feel that they had sacrificed their comforts and spent all the money raising the kids and giving them a good education only to be kicked out to an empty life in an old-age home?

They could have stopped their children’s education at the high school level and kicked them out, much like how they do in the West, telling them to take up a job. The scenario mostly among clerks, archakas, purohits, school teachers, cooks and hotel-servers in the TB community, is that they don’t want their children to go through the kind of wretched existence that they were going through, so tend to adopt a strict disciplinary code, inorder that the children can get a good education, with the expectation that the children will get a good job and give the parents a meaningful life. If the children don’t feel guilty for not reciprocating, no doubt it becomes a tragedy.

Of course, if the parents are well off, there is generally likely to be compromises between the generations.

As a professor, I have personally observed this kind situation among a number of poor students(especially TBs) in colleges and universities, and I am fully cognisant of the sad social dynamic tearing away at the very fabric of many tradition-minded families. A poor boy/girl does well, gets his/her degree, gets a job and goes abroad, and once abroad, he/she is no longer under parental control, gets to socialise with all kinds of compatriots some of whom may be from a different social strata back home, and with a different approach to tradition. Well, the rest of the story can read like what has been posted earlier.

I have to say I have worked in aged care facilityfor few years and I know how well they are pampered in such facilities. It ishard to look after them like that at home.
Amazing! I would suspect that they also charge heftily. In some of the less expensive ones, the kind of stories I hear would make your blood boil. Itis therefore nice to know that there areplaces that come with high recommendation. Would you be willing to share the name of this facility for us?

06-08-2012, 07:58 PM	#34
Fegasderty Join Date Mar 2008 Posts 5,023 Senior Member	Dear Sri. Naina, Greetings. I refer to post #7. It may be quite possible, his parents gave very hard time to his brother too. I have a massive doubt... what is wrong if the parents go to an aged care facility? Why should the children feel guilty about that? I can't fathom that. Before someone tells me I have to experience it when I become older, I have to say I have worked in aged care facility for few years and I know how well they are pampared in such facilities. It is hard to look after them like that at home. Cheers! Raghy Sir: I agree that there are cases where parents had given hardtime. But largely I would suspect that it is on matters of discipline (as defined generally by the surrounding society, and particularised by the parents based on their own financial standing). And, of course, most children will rebel against it. But if the parents have enabled their children to get a good education, especially when it involves wholesale sacrifice of their own personal needs and comforts, filial bonding and piety should trump all else. You were wondering:“what is wrong if the parents go to an aged care facility?” Nothing wrong, except when the parents feel that they had sacrificed their comforts and spent all the money raising the kids and giving them a good education only to be kicked out to an empty life in an old-age home? They could have stopped their children’s education at the high school level and kicked them out, much like how they do in the West, telling them to take up a job. The scenario mostly among clerks, archakas, purohits, school teachers, cooks and hotel-servers in the TB community, is that they don’t want their children to go through the kind of wretched existence that they were going through, so tend to adopt a strict disciplinary code, inorder that the children can get a good education, with the expectation that the children will get a good job and give the parents a meaningful life. If the children don’t feel guilty for not reciprocating, no doubt it becomes a tragedy. Of course, if the parents are well off, there is generally likely to be compromises between the generations. As a professor, I have personally observed this kind situation among a number of poor students(especially TBs) in colleges and universities, and I am fully cognisant of the sad social dynamic tearing away at the very fabric of many tradition-minded families. A poor boy/girl does well, gets his/her degree, gets a job and goes abroad, and once abroad, he/she is no longer under parental control, gets to socialise with all kinds of compatriots some of whom may be from a different social strata back home, and with a different approach to tradition. Well, the rest of the story can read like what has been posted earlier. I have to say I have worked in aged care facilityfor few years and I know how well they are pampered in such facilities. It ishard to look after them like that at home. Amazing! I would suspect that they also charge heftily. In some of the less expensive ones, the kind of stories I hear would make your blood boil. Itis therefore nice to know that there areplaces that come with high recommendation. Would you be willing to share the name of this facility for us?
	Quote