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**gambleingsites** · 06-21-2012, 10:49 PM

Still hoping one of our gay guys comes through and checks it out and tells me what they think.

You're improving. Your flow is still inconsistent and a lot of your rhymes don't work (secret/decent and demanded/marriage were especially jarring), but you had some strong sections (:20 to :48 in particular, where a solid and interesting flow makes up for some failed rhymes). Keep practicing.

06-21-2012, 10:49 PM	#6
gambleingsites Join Date Nov 2005 Posts 592 Senior Member	Still hoping one of our gay guys comes through and checks it out and tells me what they think. You're improving. Your flow is still inconsistent and a lot of your rhymes don't work (secret/decent and demanded/marriage were especially jarring), but you had some strong sections (:20 to :48 in particular, where a solid and interesting flow makes up for some failed rhymes). Keep practicing.
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