[Drugmachine]

A Comparison Of Early 21st Century Religious Theory


Catholicism
He who denies himself the most toys wins.

Anglican
They were our toys first.

Greek Orthodox
No, they were OURS first.

Polytheism
There are many toy makers.

Evolutionism
The toys made themselves.

Baptist
Once played, always played.

Church of Christ Scientist
We are the toys.

Communism
Everyone gets the same number of toys and you go straight to hell if we catch you selling yours.

Baha’i
All toys are just fine with us.

Amish
Toys with batteries are surely a sin.

Taoism
The doll is as important as the dump truck.

Hedonism
To heck with the rulebook. Let’s play!

Hinduism
He who plays with bags of plastic farm animals loses.

7th Day Adventist
He who plays with his toys on Saturday loses.

Church of Christ
He whose toys make music loses.

Calvinist
Once played, always played.

Jehovah’s Witnesses
He who sells the most toys door-to-door wins.

Pentecostalism
He whose toys can talk wins.

Existentialism
Toys are a figment of your imagination.

Confucianism
Once a toy is dipped in the water it is no longer dry.

Non-denominationalism
We don’t care where the toys came from, let’s just play with them.

Atheism
There is no toy maker.

Agnosticism
It is not possible to know whether toys make a bit of difference.

Branch Davidians
He who dies playing with the biggest toys wins.

Mormonism
Every boy can have as many toys as he wants.

Voodoo
Let me borrow that doll for a second.

Apathy
Toys? Why do I need toys?

Judaism
I’m selling toys. You buying?

Church of Scientology
Toys ‘R’ Us.

Pantheism
The universe is one great big toy.

Capitalism
He who dies with the most toys wins.

Hare Krishna
He who plays with the most toys wins.