[AnthonyKing]

why monks are not allowed to have sex??!!

Hi Bundokji,
As I understand it, it's more a case of individuals making that choice in order to focus 100% on practice, rather than being somehow repressed.

I thought the Buddha taught us to be free, not to be conditioned by his own teachings! In what way free? Buddha taught the path to freedom. Sensuality is a nutriment, a conditioning factor of samsara. Sexual freedom is fine but it's not the same thing as liberation - even within Vajrayana.

the Buddha did not ask us to starve or repress our desires, but to go beyond desire by observing it and seeing the futility of it. Absolutely.

The Buddha himself enjoyed having sex during the first 29 years of his life and he got enlightened afterwards! He did. As you say, he saw the futility of it and renounced it. No one forced him to stop, it was a free choice.

Sex is a refuge because it provides satisfaction, relief and temporary happiness of a kind. If we take refuge in Buddhadharma we are prepared to seek another way. It's not like you need to view sex as sinful or bad. There's no moral judgement, no Buddha getting angry.

For laity, there needs be no celibacy but the states cultivated in meditation and the knowledge acquired from the teachings can be contrasted with desirous mental states. It's simple really and not as dramatic or black & white as it's sometimes painted.

For sangha, it's a burden they have put down. If they cannot, then they can disrobe and do what they want. I tend to think that taking ordination is an act of great will. Individuals see that they don't have forever to get it sorted. Respect to them for that choice.

Regards
Kris