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**Fouttysotlalf** · 12-14-2010, 08:48 PM

We know in our mind that we should be able to forgive our enemies and love our parents, but in the heart we feel “I can never forgive them for what they’ve done.” So then we either feel anger and resentment, or we begin to rationalize: “Because my parents were so bad, so unloving, so unkind, they made me suffer so much that I can’t forgive or forget.” Or: “There’s something wrong with me. I’m a terrible person because I can’t forgive.” When this happens, I’ve found it helpful to have metta for my own feelings.

Awesome. I've wrestled with rejecting my own feelings, with suffering over my suffering, as though that's going to do anything but double the hurt.

I think that sometimes we can get so caught up in making sure we don't see ourselves as being more worthy than others that we end up seeing ourselves as less so, and the fact is... sometimes we do legitimately need our own compassion, and we shouldn't deny it to ourselves any more than we should deny it to others. There's no need I can see for martyrs in dharma practice, nor is there a need for anybody to hate or resent themselves for failing to be perfect. Well said.

12-14-2010, 08:48 PM	#3
Fouttysotlalf Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 549 Senior Member	We know in our mind that we should be able to forgive our enemies and love our parents, but in the heart we feel “I can never forgive them for what they’ve done.” So then we either feel anger and resentment, or we begin to rationalize: “Because my parents were so bad, so unloving, so unkind, they made me suffer so much that I can’t forgive or forget.” Or: “There’s something wrong with me. I’m a terrible person because I can’t forgive.” When this happens, I’ve found it helpful to have metta for my own feelings. Awesome. I've wrestled with rejecting my own feelings, with suffering over my suffering, as though that's going to do anything but double the hurt. I think that sometimes we can get so caught up in making sure we don't see ourselves as being more worthy than others that we end up seeing ourselves as less so, and the fact is... sometimes we do legitimately need our own compassion, and we shouldn't deny it to ourselves any more than we should deny it to others. There's no need I can see for martyrs in dharma practice, nor is there a need for anybody to hate or resent themselves for failing to be perfect. Well said.
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