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I must be really stupid because I can't figure out how to respond to a poster, specifically, and see things that look like multiple posts.

I'm mostly answering Aloka-D but my comments are for anyone who is interested.

I have studied for 2 years with Rodney Smith in Seattle. I currently meditate with a group that is Advaita Vedanta but who welcome people of all faiths, including Theravada.

However, my meditation style is mostly Buddhist. I do a combination of a tranquility practice, which for me is focusing on the breath. For tranquility practice, that is usually a beginner's way, whether Vedanta or Buddhism. Then, additionally, I have listened to numerous Buddhists CDs and read primarily Buddhist books, both Theravadan and others, like Pema Chodren, who is Tibetan (obviously).

The main CD I go by is Mindfulness Way Through Depression. Someone above has said this is emptiness training. Their emphasis is that emotional turmoil is caused, because we believe our own thoughts to be reality, when they are not. As far as I know, this is Theravedan meditation. Pema Chodren emphasizes this as well.

My confusion seems to be being on multiple Theravadan lists.

I was on one list, where I was saying that when Buddhism goes into "things are unsatisfactory", "things are empty" that this sounds very nihilistic, and sounds like it came out the mouth of someone with clinical depression! A poster on one list brilliantly clarified that, no, it is not nihilistic or depression, it's a realization that things are unsatisfactory, but that by realizing things are unsatisfactory, we have a chance of liberation, and joy - therefore not nihilistic.

When I asked him, how we go about this liberation, he of course referred to the 4NTs and precepts. Meditation, Mindfulness in daily life, following the precepts, and in this way we are liberated and free.

What I am saying is that I have been meditating for two years. My meditation is 20 minutes of tranquility meditation. For my first 20 minutes, I focus on the breath, and come back to the breath. Then the next 20 minutes is mindfulness as taught in the CD Mindfulness Path Through Depression but I have another Joseph Goldstein CD set right after I do the Depressioni CD since I am doing that set again due to recent depression. I also do the "body scans" as well as Yoga Nidra, which is pretty much progressive relaxation - both seeming pretty similar. As far as I know the CD is Mindfulness Meditation or Theravadan. Then I sometimes add a 3rd sitting of 20 minutes often as "experimental" (I used to be a scientist).

It really would be very hard for me to go to a Theravadan teacher, it would be a two hour round trip drive. So, while I think I gain many realizations living out in nature, as I do, it would be unrealistic to see a teacher on a regular basis.

Most of the time, I'm either reading, doing a DVD or CD, mostly Theravadan, but I feel that I am at such a beginner level, that many times, listening to someone like Pema Chodren, also yields insights.

I don't feel any different now that I have meditated for two years, and also giving up revenge, and just being as nice as I can, to follow the precepts, and not drinking alcohol, avoiding intoxicants. I am just wondering what I am doing wrong, that I don't feel even 1% liberated.

You can decide if at 2 years of meditation, whether that makes me a "beginner" or not.

Best,
True

Cold and Clear here in Minnesota but Oy vey!