Rake, I completely understand and support your decision. My own spiritual path has been a very twisted road. Here's the truth as it applies to me. 1. All people with a spiritual path worship the same creative force in the universe. 2. The most holy and sacred act any one person can do is to learn to walk in the shoes of another. I am an agnostic wiccan. The god and goddess, for me, merely represent the dual aspects of the universe. They are a handle for my mind to grasp when conversing with everything around me, without them the whole complexity of the universe has a tendency to overwhelm my consciousness and I lose track in the ritual I'm performing. As for speaking to the deities, I don't see it as speaking to entities out there wrapped in ethereal fogs and glowing auras. I'm merely talking to the unconscious aspect of my being. The magick I perform is primarily to improve myself, make me a better person by allowing positive flows of energy waft (or sometimes flood!) through my psyche. I see your decision as just one more step down the road you travel. Step out bravely brother, you have many that will help as much as they can.