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**Sakkola** · 08-22-2007, 01:48 AM

One of the things I think is beneficial here is that young children become acquainted with death early on and know that it is part of life.

I completely agree! I never had this chance before... because, thank God, my grandparents lived to the old age (although one passed away when I was a baby) - and when they passed away I was always in another country and my parents would not allow me to go. Or if some distant relative passed away my parents did not take me with them for the wake... therefore I never saw a dead person before. My mother's lifeless body was the first. I know that my parents tried to protect me, and above all, I know that God gave me strength I never imagined I had, however you are so right when you say children should be acquainted early on with such matters.

When someone dies, the body in its casket is kept all night in the house and a wake is held. This time is spent mourning, talking about the deceased, about his life and even some amusing incidents from that life. It is a precious time, a time that loved ones and friends need to say goodbye. Everyone cries a little, laughs a little, food is eaten and wine is drunk for forgiveness and for the soul of the person who has died. Then the funeral, the 3 days memorial, the 9 days memorial, the 40 days memorial and so on. This period of mourning is essential I believe in order for those left behind to accept the death of their loved one. What you say happened for my mother's wake. However there was no eating when the body was there (as a fast for the departed soul) - only coffee, biscuits, and water served; after burial there was the first meal. Also there was not laughter. So many people came and cried, even women I had no idea who they were came and wailed like my mother was their sister. It was very disturbing to hear the wailing. While I appreciated all and everyone being there and expressing their sorrow for my mother, I remembered what the Fathers say about it - that wailing does a great harm to the departed soul. Actually the wailing did not help us the living, either.

My mother told me always that she wanted people to hear chanting and classical music during her wake - but this was not possible. On the other hand her spiritual father told me to read the Psalms to my mother during her struggle the last 15 days. So while the lamenting women would stop because they had to breath. I would stand up and ask them if I could please read from the Psalms over my mother's body because that was the wish of my mother and the advise of her spiritual father. This gave us a break and it was different.

The memorial services were such a blessing from God.

The below is from the article you posted Nina.

"Very often, before suggesting absolution, I tell the person, 'Now, before you receive God's forgiveness, are you prepared to forgive him for all his misdeeds? Because, from what you have said, quite obviously he is the cause of all evils'. Well, this is very much the way in which people react to their own suffering and to the suffering of others around them; and if that is the approach, then there is nothing to lean on anyhow. Now I do not consider suffering and death as good in themselves. But they are not an evil in themselves. Nor are they a one-sided act of divine cruelty: life on earth is something more complex than this. God - his will, his wisdom, and his love - plays a substantial part. The powers of darkness play their part, and man plays his part between the evil which can invade the world and the good that can conquer it. "

A lot of people here have a passive fatalism concerning illness and death.
They say "that's all the life allotted him" or "his candle burnt out" or "it was his time". I don't think I have ever heard anyone say "God is to blame" - this would be blasphemy.

What do you think?

Effie This article helped me so much during my mother's illness. That is why I knew about it. The passage you post above actually made me laugh when I first read this article and also made me feel embarrassed because yes, I was so ignorant about many things pertaining death and did many stupid things when my mother was ill.

However now I can see and understand how God allowed everything and waited patiently for me to change my mind and understand some things about the why He allows what He does. I do not want to sound like a whiner, because all have mothers and parents and love them. But that's me and my relationship to my parents and I still think it is a great test to loose someone, that one loves. At the end it is important to acknowledge and accept that they are children of God and belong to Him. However I have not figured out a way how to keep from missing her.

08-22-2007, 01:48 AM	#18
Sakkola Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 382 Senior Member	One of the things I think is beneficial here is that young children become acquainted with death early on and know that it is part of life. I completely agree! I never had this chance before... because, thank God, my grandparents lived to the old age (although one passed away when I was a baby) - and when they passed away I was always in another country and my parents would not allow me to go. Or if some distant relative passed away my parents did not take me with them for the wake... therefore I never saw a dead person before. My mother's lifeless body was the first. I know that my parents tried to protect me, and above all, I know that God gave me strength I never imagined I had, however you are so right when you say children should be acquainted early on with such matters. When someone dies, the body in its casket is kept all night in the house and a wake is held. This time is spent mourning, talking about the deceased, about his life and even some amusing incidents from that life. It is a precious time, a time that loved ones and friends need to say goodbye. Everyone cries a little, laughs a little, food is eaten and wine is drunk for forgiveness and for the soul of the person who has died. Then the funeral, the 3 days memorial, the 9 days memorial, the 40 days memorial and so on. This period of mourning is essential I believe in order for those left behind to accept the death of their loved one. What you say happened for my mother's wake. However there was no eating when the body was there (as a fast for the departed soul) - only coffee, biscuits, and water served; after burial there was the first meal. Also there was not laughter. So many people came and cried, even women I had no idea who they were came and wailed like my mother was their sister. It was very disturbing to hear the wailing. While I appreciated all and everyone being there and expressing their sorrow for my mother, I remembered what the Fathers say about it - that wailing does a great harm to the departed soul. Actually the wailing did not help us the living, either. My mother told me always that she wanted people to hear chanting and classical music during her wake - but this was not possible. On the other hand her spiritual father told me to read the Psalms to my mother during her struggle the last 15 days. So while the lamenting women would stop because they had to breath. I would stand up and ask them if I could please read from the Psalms over my mother's body because that was the wish of my mother and the advise of her spiritual father. This gave us a break and it was different. The memorial services were such a blessing from God. The below is from the article you posted Nina. "Very often, before suggesting absolution, I tell the person, 'Now, before you receive God's forgiveness, are you prepared to forgive him for all his misdeeds? Because, from what you have said, quite obviously he is the cause of all evils'. Well, this is very much the way in which people react to their own suffering and to the suffering of others around them; and if that is the approach, then there is nothing to lean on anyhow. Now I do not consider suffering and death as good in themselves. But they are not an evil in themselves. Nor are they a one-sided act of divine cruelty: life on earth is something more complex than this. God - his will, his wisdom, and his love - plays a substantial part. The powers of darkness play their part, and man plays his part between the evil which can invade the world and the good that can conquer it. " A lot of people here have a passive fatalism concerning illness and death. They say "that's all the life allotted him" or "his candle burnt out" or "it was his time". I don't think I have ever heard anyone say "God is to blame" - this would be blasphemy. What do you think? Effie This article helped me so much during my mother's illness. That is why I knew about it. The passage you post above actually made me laugh when I first read this article and also made me feel embarrassed because yes, I was so ignorant about many things pertaining death and did many stupid things when my mother was ill. However now I can see and understand how God allowed everything and waited patiently for me to change my mind and understand some things about the why He allows what He does. I do not want to sound like a whiner, because all have mothers and parents and love them. But that's me and my relationship to my parents and I still think it is a great test to loose someone, that one loves. At the end it is important to acknowledge and accept that they are children of God and belong to Him. However I have not figured out a way how to keep from missing her.
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