[gluckmeea]

Nina, how can you not miss your mother?

Last Sunday we had the 1 year memorial for my sister in law's husband. She told me that every day is a battle. The first couple of months she was numb, and then the pain started.

After living here so many years I know that talking about the person who has died helps those who are left behind and I find that this is also true for my husband's sister.

Concerning the food eaten during the wake : there is a special dish made with angel-hair pasta. The pasta is sauteed in a little olive oil or butter, when it is golden brown, water in which sugar has been boiled is poured onto it and then white Carolina rice is added. We let it simmer until the rice is very soft and the water has been absorbed. It is then taken off the stove and a tea towel is placed over the saucepan before being covered with the saucepan lid. It is then left until all the moisture has been absorbed by the tea towel. This sweet rice dish is served in small dishes with cinnamon sprinkled over it.

In other parts of Greece they have other customs during the wake but rice is frequently used in different dishes e.g. rice soup perhaps. I don't know why rice is used during the wake while wheat is used in the kolava (the boiled wheat, walnut, raisin, almond dish that is served at the memorials after the funeral).

After the funeral there is a meal in honour of the deceased. No meat is served. A dried beans dish, some olives and wine is the usual fare for this meal. At the end of 40 days, after the memorial, meat can be eaten.

I suppose each region and each country has its own customs. I wish I knew more about the symbolism of each custom but, I don't. I do know that wheat symbolizes our rebirth.

I have seen that all these customs help the bereaved, the ones who are left behind to mourn and to feel the pain. It's easy to say that we must accept whatever happens but we have a saying here : "fire strikes and burns those in the house it strikes", it doesn't burn those outside the house no matter how much they might sympathize. Faith, and time, only time are the solution.

Effie