[wrefrinny]

i was misdiagnosed at 14 with bipolar disorder and still to this day am on medication i do not need to take because just last month i finally got to see a doctor who said i could go off of them because i did not have bipolar. ive always had some emotional issues but none to the extreme of a label such as that. As I am turning 21 on march 22 , over the years i had alot of cognative behavioural therapy with psychologists and counsellors..they didnt help me all that much...i learned more on how to deal with my problems myself in my own way that way healthy still. i found that "cba" therapy was not what i needed to feel better about my emotions and life issues. I was born feeling connected with animals and people and the earth and new i was spiritual at a young age.. just in the past year i learned more about guides and more about the spiritual journey and i felt as though that is the type of therapy i could really use.. meditation and spiritual guidance not coping skills from some textbook.. what i need is not taught in school ( that i know of ). i dont know anyone who doesnt want to charge me alot of money to do sessions teaching me how to get over my emotional issues... so i took it upon myself to as much research as i could and get others advice such as yourself and try and become more spiritual on my own. i would love to have a teacher that could help me walk my own path but i am a student and i do not have a job because i am full time..i live with my mother and have no source of income. my mom is closed minded and would not fund me for such sessions or help in which she does not believe in. she believes in medication and counselling. which works for some but not me. the only people in my life that have met me that really have a problem with me is my mother..and hmm let me think my mother... lol otherwise even the doctors that prescribed me the medication have always said ( as well as so many others throughout my life) that i seem like an old soul and that i am a lot more mature for my age then most.. its sad when doctors hand out medication like its candy just because a parent insists on it. i am quite harmless and am not a bad kid i am not even as close to as bad as i have seen or heard of ive always thought of myself as more mature than most my age and some older. i find meditation helps me to let go of what has went on in the day by quieting my mind and forgetting all the negative things that went on that day and helps me to re ground myself and uplift my spirit in the end. i see that there is classes on this forum but when i went to apply to one it said the chat was lagging and they couldnt do the classes. so im not sure how i will get taught on any personal level other than asking for peoples opinions. i am diagnosed with anxiety and have a sleeping problem causing me to do bad in school ( hense why it is almost midnight and i am still awake with school in the morning). if you or any one else would like to be my teacher that would be awesome i would be 101 percent committed because to achieve a higher level of spirituality is very important to me..so far i have not gotten very far. just seeing colours when i close my eyes.. but doesnt everyone? thats why im not sure if i am meditating correctly. maybe i need to work out my emotional stresses and life issues first before i can go any further in my meditation. im just not sure how to do so in a spiritual way. when i listen to grounding tapes or white light protection i cannot seem to physically picture a white light around me or roots growing from my feet to the earth and things such as they say to do.. i cannot see that..so im not sure how i am going to get any better at this. when i listen to chakra tones and picture colours for each of the tones i can see the colours sometimes.. thats about it. i wish i knew more..