[911_993_911]

I've been reading about animal totems and looking out for symbolic meanings.

Last night, at about 3 in the morning - it was a restless sleep (I also posted on the dream section with a weird snake dream) - I woke up to check my son.

He was fine - but a pair of his socks were in the hall. There was no logical reason they were there, and I just moved them to the side until the morning. As I turned to my bedroom door - a huge huntsman (big, scary but totally harmless spider) stood at the door. I've never seen them on the ground in a house - they are usually on the walls.

I thought to shove it to the side (it was on a mat I could flip over) - but as if reading my intention - it ran straight into the bedroom.

I was quite horrifed - how could I sleep with this big thing somewhere close by - but I steadied myself - thought about what it could possibly signify.

I thought about it - the spider is indeed harmless. So, what was I afraid of? Why couldn't I have the spider in the room? Because, I answered myself, I couldn't live with the fear.

Ahh, so it was unrealistic and intangible fear. I laughed to myself and went to sleep.

Then!! This morning, I received some mail from my partner's home town - and I got a strong feeling of 'fear' and resentment - and I thought about the spider.

I actually have no reason to be afraid to move next year. There is no real threat. I'm just afraid of change.

The thought of the spider helped steady my nerves and I thought - ok - its just a fear - and this I can deal with - especially if its a fear of 'fear' ...