[bpejjssoe]

Hi Lovelight. I go through the same thing like with sitting by people I don't know. For me, it seems to be the same kind of thing you're talking about, although I'm not exactly close to my family, but today I hugged my teacher because she helped me through a very hard hour... And it felt good, because of that warmth from someone I respect, who cares about me and all her students and who has apparently gone through a lot of things in her teens that I have been now, not that I know what exactly. That was probably the first time I've hugged anyone in months, which is typical for me because I don't feel close to anyone. I didn't want to before because the people I did feel close to for a time...well, when I hugged them, like some close friends or even my mom, I felt disgusted and uncomfortable and didn't know why. At the time, my friends all seemed quite normal and good people. I found out later they were going behind my back and lying to me, making up strange paranormal experiences that weren't really real... one particular friend was my best friend, and she is insane. Not haha, not exaggeration, insane. and then it seemed clear.. At that point, it felt as if in the back of my mind that was why I never wanted to get close to even my closest friends. I have detached from them now for the most part, and might seek some closure... because I don't know, I feel like in order to release all that toxic stuff that entered my field, I need to talk to them again and make peace.. I feel crazy inside my body and can't sit still(literally) because I feel like I'm held down by the energy I got from these people and never resolved situations fully. It's pretty painful.

Anyway, how that might relate to you is maybe your sensing something in the background, or something that might be coming from people later on if you would get involved with them. Like clairvoyancy, except it's touch related. I just came up with that from reading your thread... I've never thought about any of this before. And maybe there are some past relationships that have left you so cautious that even if you don't think about it, your intuition has an automatic "senser" ... Of course this probably can't be true in all situations.. I'm sure that what you said here:

Anyway I talked to my dad who is very similar to me interpersonally and it seems like it is more psychological. Fear of intimacy, fear of the response from the person, and lack of full understanding of social do's and don'ts. ...is true in a lot of those cases to with hugs and stuff.

And I also have thought this over a lot for myself.. I feel like I'm not as alone now even though I knew others must experience it- sorry, it's not that I'm happy about it but that I've happened to find someone else who understands.

Hope I was insightful... maybe?