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Quote[/b] ]being married to a thai for many years and living in the U.S. most of the time

ummmm... so you are a farang, living in cozy farangland, complaining about Thais calling you farang. Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but you have to show some real committment to be considered anything else. Wait, this has been said already. Never mind.I recall that during the last election, Fla voters didn't prove to be the brightest crayon in the box either - that explains this now!

Quote[/b] ]it's the way these words are said that counts. the intention, the feelings behind the words, the look in the eyes of the person talking to you.

I agree with you, Betti. 'Politically correct' words can hide ill-intent, while a less-refined choice of words can be said with good heart too.

As for the word 'farang', the label is pretty much inevitable for any white Westerner visiting Thailand, and its multiple meaning has been discussed above. What I'd like to add is that the choice of words is also affected by the attitude of the foreigner, in the case of Thai family, friends, colleagues anyway.

I've never been called 'Farang' by other than strangers. My Thai friends and colleagues call me by my real first name, or occasionally by my Thai nickname, like they do their Thai colleagues and friends. Even strangers at the Uni refrain from using that word. I guess it has to do a bit with education, overseas experience, and... attitude. If you avoid farang-like behavior and attitude, others won't be so quick to label you as one, it's that simple.

If you examine those who say they are called 'Farang' all the time, even by their friends/relatives, you are likely to discover that they themselves regard their status inherently unchangeable - an innate superiority complex, if you will. Such notion, of course, is reflected in their behavior towards locals. They may 'descend' to spend some brief time with their Thai family/friends, but then make a hasty retreat into the mighty ivory tower of Faranghood.

Thais are well-known for their inclusiveness. It's the Farang themselves who build the walls and then complain, go figure. But this wall can be removed, with a little effort, brick-by brick. Here are some tips:

1. Live here. (Two-week shortie incursions don't count, duh!)
2. Live here - the Thai way. (gated moo-bans, condos and all-falang isaan villages are not the best way to include Thais in your everday life, unless you count the service staff and bought wives, respectively.)
3. Know the Thai ways of doing things (or make an effort to learn them).
4. A few Thai words go a long way...
5. Most important: integrate, don't separate (duh, again).

These few pointers are just for start, and the som-tam seller on the street will still call you 'farang'... but you will see some 'minor' changes in your life: your spouse will start calling you on your first name, instead of saying "I love you, farang"; and your friends won't say "look, the farang kee nieo, here he comes again!"

As for being the "local anomaly"... I will think it's cool, when being the village idiot -another local anomaly- is considered cool. Until then, I will rely on my skills and contributions to have me stand out, not my looks and behavior, thank you very much.