[!!Aaroncheg]

Mike, I think this is actually one of the most difficult things to deal with when having daily contact with Thais. at least for me, with a very limited command of language, and a lack if social skills even in my home culture. and I admit I am completely lost, even after having spent a year in Thailand. I don't have experience in family settings, unfortunately - I did spend a few days with a friend's family though, felt I was inconveniencing them, moved out to a guesthouse, then they were offended, but was it real or just the right thing to feel? I still have no way of knowing. but the difficulties do hold for having to work together with Thai colleagues. my previous bad experience has turned me into mildly paranoid now. I know I cannot read the subtle clues. I will not understand a slight change in tone and body language. I cannot always distinguish between a polite smile and an honest smile. I am flexible, I try to adapt, after so much time in Taiwan, I can adapt even to things I don't agree with in a school environment. but even if you are positive and hard-working, you can make mistakes without knowing, and you can be suffering the consequences without knowing!
I also had similar experience with the Chinese - it's scary until one gets used to it. it also seems they are more willing to express dissatisfaction with someone. usually they don't do it directly, but ask someone (eg a colleague) to try to clear up the situation. but they are willing to talk about it, and that is the way to a solution. Thais tend to blurt out that you are not acceptable when wounds and misunderstandings are already too deep to heal and fix.
but this doesn't help you much, does it? just thoughts, no solutions or answers here....