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**Mappaindy** · 09-22-2012, 03:24 AM

This thread lacks female perspective and I shall provide one after much deliberation on quite a touchy issue.

I have been thinking and placing myself in Blonde18's shoes to decipher how I would feel and react if my boyfriend did this to me.

I will be PISSED/IRATE/FURIOUS/UPSET....(you get the picture

Pissed to the point where I would just call off the trip. If he wants to do something like that, he better have an A* reason.

Some of the possible reasons that you guys came up with I thought were valid for consideration but do not come close to being A*. The orthodox dating process as I see it is this:

Step 1: Date various people (non-exclusive dating)
Status: Friends
Step 2: Date one person you feel is compatible after elimination (exclusive dating)
Status: Boyfriend/Girlfriend (Casual)
Step 3: After a period of exclusive dating, meeting the parents
Status: Boyfriend/Girlfriend (Serious)
Step 4: Proposal
Status: Fiance
Step 5: Marriage
Status: Spouse
Step 6: After prolong marriage, cheagting husband and nagging wife
Status: Divorced

(Step 6 is purely just for laughs

)

Blonde18, I classify her as being in Step 3. You may say that dating is serious business in Thailand. Well, I believe that they are in the serious stage of their "business". Why would anyone want to introduce/meet parents when they are not even serious about each other. Moreover, Blonde18 is coming all the way from a foreign land to meet his parents, I think this itself speaks volumes for their seriousness.

Next, it is not just Thai culture or American culture or any culture for that matter. Claiming to be something while actually being something else amounts to LYING. Maybe it is a pet peeve of mine but lying/dishonesty is a big big sin in my book. It doesn't matter whether you're in Thailand or America, France or China, Africa or Australia, you just shouldn't lie.

Blonde18, I really can't tell you what to do, but this is what I would do. I would ask him for an explanation of why he needs to lie about the relationship. As he details one explanation after another, I would just counter them with valid arguments. For eg. he says dating is a serious thing in Thailand, then you say so you're not serious about me? He says no that's not it, I just don't want my parents to be surprised. You say, what do you mean surprised, you mean you haven't even told your parents you're seeing me for 2 YEARS now. He says, no dear, just that I haven't found the appropriate time to tell them yet, you say, well, I found it for you. This trip would be the perfect time.

Basically don't put up with it if you're not comfortable with it. A relationship is a two way street. If he is going to discomfort you, ask for a good valid reason that you're comfortable with.

Well, these are my thoughts. Hope they are useful.

09-22-2012, 03:24 AM	#30
Mappaindy Join Date Nov 2005 Posts 477 Senior Member	This thread lacks female perspective and I shall provide one after much deliberation on quite a touchy issue. I have been thinking and placing myself in Blonde18's shoes to decipher how I would feel and react if my boyfriend did this to me. I will be PISSED/IRATE/FURIOUS/UPSET....(you get the picture Pissed to the point where I would just call off the trip. If he wants to do something like that, he better have an A* reason. Some of the possible reasons that you guys came up with I thought were valid for consideration but do not come close to being A*. The orthodox dating process as I see it is this: Step 1: Date various people (non-exclusive dating) Status: Friends Step 2: Date one person you feel is compatible after elimination (exclusive dating) Status: Boyfriend/Girlfriend (Casual) Step 3: After a period of exclusive dating, meeting the parents Status: Boyfriend/Girlfriend (Serious) Step 4: Proposal Status: Fiance Step 5: Marriage Status: Spouse Step 6: After prolong marriage, cheagting husband and nagging wife Status: Divorced (Step 6 is purely just for laughs ) Blonde18, I classify her as being in Step 3. You may say that dating is serious business in Thailand. Well, I believe that they are in the serious stage of their "business". Why would anyone want to introduce/meet parents when they are not even serious about each other. Moreover, Blonde18 is coming all the way from a foreign land to meet his parents, I think this itself speaks volumes for their seriousness. Next, it is not just Thai culture or American culture or any culture for that matter. Claiming to be something while actually being something else amounts to LYING. Maybe it is a pet peeve of mine but lying/dishonesty is a big big sin in my book. It doesn't matter whether you're in Thailand or America, France or China, Africa or Australia, you just shouldn't lie. Blonde18, I really can't tell you what to do, but this is what I would do. I would ask him for an explanation of why he needs to lie about the relationship. As he details one explanation after another, I would just counter them with valid arguments. For eg. he says dating is a serious thing in Thailand, then you say so you're not serious about me? He says no that's not it, I just don't want my parents to be surprised. You say, what do you mean surprised, you mean you haven't even told your parents you're seeing me for 2 YEARS now. He says, no dear, just that I haven't found the appropriate time to tell them yet, you say, well, I found it for you. This trip would be the perfect time. Basically don't put up with it if you're not comfortable with it. A relationship is a two way street. If he is going to discomfort you, ask for a good valid reason that you're comfortable with. Well, these are my thoughts. Hope they are useful.
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