[abubycera]

Wow.. those are quite conflicting posts, well not conflicting really.. they just have conflicting consequences.

Thank you so much OoMABoO and leeslight. I have been studying here for 5 years now. Before the 6 month break that I spent at home, I never had anything like this (I used to fly back and forth a few times a year), but in the last 3 months a lot of things have changed for me personally. 4 weeks isn't a long time, but I have the feeling that I will always have this yearning to be at home now.

I know the decision will come in time, and whatever happens will be God's will (in fact i'm not sure if I will even have to make a decision. I feel like I'm being herded towards something that I'm meant to do). I'm just looking for a way now to settle my heart and my soul so that I can be at peace once more.

My thoughts, head and emotions feel contaminated and polluted. When I was writing the post I felt completely incoherent. I try meditating but my emotions overwhelm everything. I'm full of doubts, sadness, pain and fear. My strength seems to have deserted me and I get angry at myself for being so weak. I'm wondering if something is disturbing me because I've never come across this before. I think I'm in need of some major cleansing and purification, though I'm not sure how to go about this...