[steerryGritly]

I think you're right about cleansing. You need to cleanse and then hopefully you can relax a little.
I think you always know deep down what you want or what you need. I always felt like I had to be here, even since I was a child, so I told myself that I had to move away from my parents sometime, I just went a bit further than people normally do. It'll come in time but if you forec the decision you might regret it.
Try and think of all the positives, you have apartner and a family who both love you. You get to go back and visit your family and they'll always be there for you if you decide to go back.
I remember in the height of my feeling down, I met someone from Latvia who was here to work to send money home to her family. The cultures were completly different an English wasnt her first language. She told me shecouldnt go home, not yet anyways.
I felt lucky that I had the choice and that my language was the same and my culture, although different, was similar.
In time you might decide to stay but you know you always have the choice to go back.