When you reach up and you ask for guidance and help,it is always given. Be still and quiet,so that you can hear it. Reading your posts is glimpsing the whirl wind of emotions and thoughts in your head. You are focusing on everything and everybody else,you run from you. You have a problem which you sent out of control by taking responsibility for your childs dad,and your own father. Take a deep breath. Wether you understand why your childs dad is acting the way he is,or not,it will not change his behaviour. Feeling guilty and responsible,will not change his behaviour. The same for your own father. His choices,life and situations are his. Your childs father is responsible for himself. Your father is responsible for himself. And you are responsible for you. So now come back and focus on this. Your life,habbits,actions,perceptions is something you can change. Only you. Your the centre. So balance yourself here. You fail because you cant change other ppl,and thats what you have been trying to do. That isnt where the answers lie. The answers are in you. Put your father and your childs father out of your mind for now. We will sort them later. For now,you must build a healthy foundation to live from. For that,you have to focus on you. Write a priority list. Simple steps,that you can tick off as you do them. Social services,your own home,a job. That is your priority,your focus. Something you will achieve as you gather your scattered energy,and focus on it. Maybe every day have a small goal,like making a phone call,to help this along. Achieving these lil goals daily,will encourage and perk you up. You do not have to feel afraid,lonley and vunerable. You are watched,loved and protected. You ''see'',and they are asking now that you calm and focus,so that you see and feel their love and support around you. All challenge is for growth. You are the pheonix rising. All you have to do is stop turning in circles,and walk out. Your gifts are meant to comfort all that will turn to you. Start,by being still,allow yourself,comfort. When you are balanced,happy and still. Then your reality will reflect this. Chaos in the mind,will lead a to chaotic reality. You are the foundation. When you are right,within yourself,your path will begin to unfold again,and ppl will come to you. You angels gently urge you to clear and heal your mind and heart,by sharing everything with them,and writting it down. You will never be alone. You are loved,and protected. Guardian.