[DoctoBuntonTen]

Every now and again, when I let myself think about it, I wonder what the hell I'm doing living in a human body on earth. For all the beauty I can find in my own life, when I look at the world as a whole, I go numb with an utter feeling of helplessness. This whole place is out of control, and I can't for the life of me imagine what I can do about it. For every person like me, there are thousands very unlike me.

I've been watching various do***entaries on www.freedo***entaries.org, and while I know it would be in my best interest to just shut it off, I can't do it. I feel like I need to do something, but have no idea what I could possibly do. I'm not content to pretend I don't know what's going on in the world around me, or to just ignore it because it's not touching MY life. And yet I feel that doing just that would be the only way I could find a happy day-to-day existence.

I find myself more and more disenchanted with my country every day. Half of me just wants to leave, and say " **** em I'm done" but the other half still loves my country, and desperately desires to find a way to change things.

Does anyone else feel this way? What do you do about it? Is the only hope for day-to-day happiness to ignore it?

Do I tell myself that I was born of this life for my own individual purposes and that what's going on in the outside world isn't my concern, or do I acknowledge that as a part of this world, it is my concern?