[Jesslovers]

2 yrs. ago I lost my grandmother suddenly. I am a 35 y.o. married mother of 3, but since she has been gone, I feel like a child. I am consumed with grief, I still cry every night. The day she went to the e.r. it was for back pain, they admitted her for more tests,(she had the pain for 2 wks.), we didn't hear anything until 1 a.m. when they called my grandpa and told him she took a turn for the worse. I met him there while we waited for the rest of the family(they live 30 mins. away). We knew for about 3 yrs. she had a thoracic aortic aneurysm but it wasn' worth the risk to operate, when she first found out the dr. told her that & she would live fine as it was not very big. "Nothing to worry about". Any the back pain was part of the aneurysm, it had slowly been leaking. While we were in the hosp. she was alert but she couldn't talk because she was on life support. She was trying to tell us something by moving her eyes back & forth but I am not sure what. I will never forget the look in her eyes, she looked confused & scared. When everybody saw her, they put her to sleep & removed the life support. We stayed with her until 5:30 a.m. then everyone decided we should leave ( I wanted to stay with her but the family didn't want me to). I feel so guilty that she died alone. As I said we left at 5:30 a.m. and she died at 6:07 a.m. My mom & I lived with her and basically she raised me(my mom worked alot). I lost my Grandma that night but I also lost my mother & my best friend. I am sorry for going on like I have, but I needed to tell the story. Anyway I am just hoping someone will find it in their heart to help me get past this. I have tried almost everything so I am open to anything. Thank you so much & God bless you.