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Parking Rules: (Thank You Morning Star)

Rule 1 - When waiting for a parking spot on the street, stop in the middle of the road, don't signal, and orient your car diagonally to prevent others from passing.

Rule 2 - In a lot, always park on the lines, taking up as many spots as possible. Diagonal parking is preferred.

Rule 3 - Make sure that your alarm is on, and your door slightly ajar in an indoor parking lot.

Rule 4 - As you pull into a spot, if you see that the space ahead of you is empty and you see another driver signaling to take it, pull though and take it from him. If it is not empty, drive up half way and stop on the line, taking both. This works especially well in crowded lots.

Rule 5 - Always park close enough to the adjacent car so that the other driver must grease up with Vaseline and KY to squeeze into hisher car.

Rule 6 - When getting out of your car, hit the adjacent vehicle with your door really hard. If the other person is in their car, follow it by saying "oops" if you are a man, "oopsy" if you are a woman, and just giggle softly if you are a blond.

Rule 7 - When walking back to your car, if you notice other shoppers walking past your car to get to theirs, press the buttons on your key chain remote so that your car's alarm makes a sudden loud "BLOOP BLEEP" that scares the crap out of them.

Rule 8 - When walking back to your car in a busy shopping center, walk down an aisle adjacent to yours having your keys in your hand. Wait till a car follows you before changing lanes. This is especially good if you can read lips

Rule 9 - When a vehicle from the opposite direction is signaling and waiting for a parking space, position your car so that you are in his way and let the car behind you take it.

Rule 10 - If you have Handicap license plates, use up a regular parking spot.

Rule 11 - If you hit the adjacent car with your door and leave a dent, wait for a car, which is painted the same color as yours, to drive down the aisle looking for a place to park. Then back out, giving up your spot like "Mr. Good Guy" and park somewhere else.

Rule 12 - When another vehicle is waiting for you to pull out of a spot in a crowded parking lot, take your time. Adjust the mirrors, your seat, and the radio. Roll down your window, light a cigarette, and eat your lunch. Feel free to go through your shopping bags and look at what you just bought.

Rule 13 - deleted...for those who are superstitious!

Rule 14 - When exiting a shopping center into a busy road, exit through the narrow "ENTER ONLY" driveway, stick the nose of the car into traffic, and wait.

Rule 15 - When driving through a parking lot with alternating one-way aisles and angled parking spots, drive the wrong way. Then when you see a parking space, take 20 minutes to do a 12-point turn to pull into it.

Rule 16 - Always leave your shopping cart behind or tightly between parked vehicles.

Rule 17 - Empty your ashtrays on the ground in shopping center parking lots. While your at it, dump out all the garbage, too, including that Wendy's or McDonald's bag sitting in the back seat from eakfast.

Rule 18 - When holiday shopping at the mall, which requires you to load your bags into the car and go back in to do more shopping, do NOT tell the driver who is sitting patiently watching you load your car and signaling for your spot.

Rule 18A- If actually leaving, wave cars on pretending that you are just packing your car and will be going back, and wait for that cute member of the opposite sex to look for a spot.