[IronpumpedLady]

i am really , really thankful for this opportunity /catalyst, before i go any farther i wanted to make that clear.

i am most certainly on a stoo path and a kind person. loving profoundly deep, compasionate and intelligent. i am facing the most difficult time in my life and if there is anyone out there who can help me i would find that most honorable.

i tell you truth, and it is l;ike mother mary raising the devils spawn. hehe. i love her, she is my baby, but i have no reason or idea of why or how i do. i see very little redeeming qualities in her. oh my , i know how that sounds , it does sound horrible but true.

without a doubt in my mind i see a perfect example of the 95% vs 5% person. we would truly be hard pressed to see that 5% to be honest. however, when those rare times do occur, oh my, , its like having a glimpse at heaven. there's been 3 of those perhaps in all 11 of her years.

i know she loves me, i am her world she said once. "i am nothing with out you." that was one of the 3 times. lol any other time though , there is nothing at all to indicate even a glimpse that she loves or cares at all about me. i dread waking her up and i dread her coming home, although i am worried every second she is walking to and from school , (i am aware of the possibilities of danger), and she simply will not do anything she is told to do . ughh.

i had an epiphany one day, that told me perhaps this is why i came. i needed to learn how to love a negative path person. to come to understand the unity of both paths and all of that. indeed it is beyond me how to do, i just know i do love her with everything i am. how do i raise her though. how do i raise a child to be responsible, honest, kind , loving, respectful, fair, giving when it is against her nature? how do i do this, and not lose my own polarity in the process? i can't date, lol i can't work... she rules the school man. not actually but literally.

i have tried it all. you name it i have tried. i tried grounding her. the girl literally spent an entire summer vacation inside all because she would not clean her room. i have tried yelling, guilting, talking, pleading, threatening to leave her with her aunt, i have just tried it all. when you love someone , you try it all, and i have. she is sweet when she wants something. nasty to all any other time.,

i am a single mom too so we are all that we have and i know deeeeep down she admires and loves me. i don't know what i can do to raise her as she is, and be a responsible parent too. i don't want to take polarity from her, but at the same time, i don't want to raise a vindictive loser either. what is the right thing to do in this situation?

another epiphany came too the other day. what if , she is actually not stos and incarnated into a negative being to help me learn to balance love between both paths. to teach me to love those who do things as creator that i just do not understand or agree with? then again she is so stos that i think well maybe she needs me to teach her how to be better at being who she is, and still be smart about it. if i mention that she is on a negative path, to try and at least help her see who she is so she can begin to accept the facts, she becomes upset and says she does not want to be on that path. she wants to be good.

see the problem?

anyone having been in this situation , i would love to hear from you. i realize it is hard for people to really understand this. i personally have trouble saying and knowing these things too. this is no joke and it is quite real . i live it everyday. as a parent, living in the world today, with what we know is about to come down, i can think of only wanting to do what i can to help her with harvestability. i just hope i am doing the right thing. well that i will discover what the right thing is. i suspect i am unable to help her and that makes me a pretty worthless parent. talk about feeling low and oh so useless. anyone?