[SteantyjetMaw]

dear god:

do you ever feel remorse? the story of ra suggests that a being whom regular people would consider god-like suffered in the very least pangs of feelings akin to human remorse or regret. is it true?

have you ever looked back on a past life, seen egregious errors, and realized with a sudden sickening feeling that devastating events from which you currently suffer, and of which you believed yourself to be completely innocent, were in fact set into motion by none other than you? "all is one," they say, with nothing but the highest intent. does that mean they who utter those words share in my overwhelming guilt?

i have learned, and have taught others, that shame is a toxic emotion, a needlessly toxic emotion, one that poisons our ability to live healthy lives. as i look back and see with bitter disappointment how i poisoned my own current life by poorly judged actions 500 years ago, current theories on toxic shame seem to fall short of reality. i am ashamed of my own actions, as i look back on them 500 years after the fact. they are inexcusable. i cannot find the words to describe how reprehensible i feel them to have been.

have you been there? do you know what it is like?

your friend,
deerclan