[Podborodok]

my friends thought i was crazy and went off the deep end when i originally started sharing this work with them. i was really upset at first because i started to separate and lose interest in my relationship with them. in fact many of them faded out of my conscious space and new friends came in to support the path that i had chosen.

i think that was the hardest thing of all - letting go of relationships that i had had for over 20 years. i tried many different ways to communicate as well as living the example. sometimes you aren't the one to deliver the wake up call, but the one to place the road in front of them, so that the real wayshower will appear with the voice and message that is attuned to these people you couldn't get through to in the first place.

and remember, we are all on a different time path of development, if you want to call it that. for me i was so far ahead and a visionary, the gap was so large. they ridiculed me constantly and that just wasn't supportive to what in my heart i felt was right. i was doing the best that i could at the time with the utmost loving intentions and excitement to share my learnings. even this year, after years of telling my parents how i wanted them to treat me, and after saying that i was hurt by what they did and only asked for an apology (something i thought was really simple to do?!) they still couldn't get it.

so when i get stuck or someone doesn't hear, i remember to let go. to let go of the idea that i have to be the one to deliver the message they will finally hear or to always have the answer now. i've learned that people come and go according to where i am - that's a process i can trust and i come and go where i am needed. some will linger a little longer than others and some will stay for what seems like a twinkle. when the student is ready with openness, the teacher will appear.

without going on too much, i also wanted to share that i had asked a friend of mine to mentor me from a business stand point. when we started getting into structure and values/beliefs, i realized he was a bulldozer with a heavy hand and lots of negativity and pessimism. he was attempting to convince me his way was the way to go. that's how he has always been successful and gotten what he wanted in the corporate world. for months i explained that the world has shifted from that viewpoint into a more cooperative cohesion structure with a more loving approach to interconnecting with others. besides being a 'bitch' as it was explained to me to become, just wasn't me.

it wasn't until a series of events took place in my personal life that resulted in him trying to control everything in my life, including tracking who was coming to my home! if i was going to become a ceo he said, he had to know everything. the anger came out big time which hurt me emotionally. he said his attacks were his attempt to toughen me up for the future role. i prefer leading with compassion and as a facilitator of the process myself!

so why do i go on about this? it wasn't until he saw me crying and telling him he really hurt me that started the shift. i allowed him to see what his actions had triggered in me. he thought i was joking until i stood my ground. i told him i had had enough and that was the end of the friendship. i knew that he was going through some other things (lost his wife the year earlier), so i was just a catalyst. we hadn't talked for about a week. so the next week he called me and said he thought he was having a heart attack. he said i was the only one he had called he said he could trust. i didn't say anything but listened and waited without judgement. he apologized and i forgave.

since that time, he has trusted me and now looks at me and others in a different way. he's very old school and now even though i've been sharing the divine cosmos stuff which can be over the head to some, he's listening with an open heart. and now the student has become the mentor.