[poRmawayncmop]

so they still haven't met and i don't think i'm ready. here's why.

i recently called my father to ask him about the "unpardonable sin" after reading a post on the forum. i knew he would know exactly the book, chapter and verse. he gave me three quotes immediately, which i researched further on the internet. he, of course, wanted to know why i was interested and i told him mark and i were discussing it.

that was a couple of weeks ago. generally speaking, we talk once every three months by phone. (that, in itself, took many, many years, since he told me when i was 17 that he wished i would die so that i might still have a chance of getting into heaven).

he called me two days ago (the day mark posted) and started questioning me about my "boyfriend". (truth be told, i'm not even sure he knows his name). he asked me why we were discussing the unpardonable sin. he asked me what church mark was affiliated with (none); what religion he was (his own); had he read the bible. yes, i proudly answered, i'm sure he's read the bible. he said he'd like to talk to him!

i somewhat relunctantly said well, why don't you come over for dinner and meet him and you can talk. (i have run this crazy idea past mark on prior occassions and i knew he was up for the challenge, but was i). my dad said i lived too far away (about a 40 minute drive) and that he would be happy to speak with mark on the phone. so obviously his sole purpose of speaking to mark was to preach his narrow-minded, uncompromising point of view and not to meet the wonderful person that he is, or for that matter, see his daughter, and his granddaughters.

billybobbutterbabe - you had it right. he "carries a bible like a six gun on his hip". even after 50 years in canada his german accent sounds like he never left (which further intimidates me for some reason) and he has always been able to invoke fear in me - more so than the god i was supposed to be fearing.

my fear at the present time (and i know i should not fear anything) is that if my dad questions mark and mark answers honestly (like i know he will) my dad will have his entire congregation praying for my salvation (if he doesn't already).

i believe in the power of prayer and meditation, especially when done in a group. david told of a group of 7000 people who meditated in israel for world peace, and terrorism etc. was reduced at that time by something like 73%. that's mind boggling.

so, i'm afraid of what my dad can do to me through group prayer.

i know that i have awakened. i truly believe in the law of one - that all is one. i am on my second read of the loo study guide. i love reading q'uo. i love this forum. it has been very helpful to me. i know mark and many of you say to ask your higher self for guidance and to look within yourself for the answers - and i do. i just feel that at the present moment i am blocked from being able to progress and grow.

i have made some progress in trying to meditate but then negative thoughts creep in and i can't focus. it bothers me immensely that i feel blocked. i don't understand why. it's very frustrating. i have read all kinds of stuff on how to meditate and how to unblock your chakra's etc., but i guess i just need to keep trying and perhaps lose the fear that my father is capable of impeding my progress.

i guess my point is that i don't need anything working against me - like my father. maybe if i knew that there were some positive thoughts and energy coming my way from the forum members it would help.

just writing all this has helped.

so be sure inquiring minds that when i am ready for my father and mark to meet, i will let him tell the tale and i'm sure it will be a good one. he really has no idea what he is in for!

kris