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thanks for posting makaveli, i can definitely relate to what you're saying. there have already been some great posts in reply but i thought i would add my bit.

i am dealing with the same issue in my life at the moment. i have always been very competitive, whether that be in a sporting sense or at school. i have always worried far too much about what others think of me. as a young kid i was not very athletic at all- i was small, slow and my coordination wasn't particularly good and my lack of aggression put me at a disadvantage in contact sports like football (soccer). i loved sport though and admired the talented athletes i saw plying their trade on the tv and i longed to match their abilities myself. as a kid it frustrated and perhaps angered me that i had little athletic ability. despite the fact that i did better academically than most of my peers i felt that being good at sport was the way to achieve admiration and gain the respect of other people.

i then went to an all-boys secondary school when i was 11 and i was very short for my age- i was so tiny that people said my backpack was bigger than me and the older kids would regularly point at me and make remarks about my height. as i grew i felt a constant need to prove to people that i was no shrinking violet and that i was more than just a geeky academic. my athletic ability improved dramatically through my teens and i became a lot faster and my skills at several different sports improved. the desire to prove people wrong was so strong and i developed an almost insatiable desire for victory, whether through playing sport or supporting professional teams. in my local area there were two main professional football teams- manchester united and manchester city. they have always played each other twice a season and every time my team, manchester united won i saw it as a personal victory over the other kids at school who supported manchester city. looking back this was certainly not a healthy way to be thinking, but unfortunately i am still dealing with this to some degree.

you just need to think about what you actually get out of winning. when you win a competition or tournament, what does that trophy actually mean? personally i know that when one of the professional teams i support win a competition, i get about 2 minutes of pleasure out of seeing them celebrate, then i start thinking about them winning it again the next year. i think david mentioned this in one of his radio interviews, using the example of kobe bryant after winning the mvp award who could not be happy with the achievement as he was already thinking about winning again.

i like fulcanelli's idea about playing beautifully rather than just for victory. that's one thing i've always loved about soccer in particular, it can be played in so many different ways and you remember beautiful passages of play and wonderful goals for many years after. it's funny how you remember these little things more than the moments of victory. players often celebrate individual goals more than they celebrate winning the game. deep down this is what all sports fans love. yes they get a kick out of winning but it's only temporary. i know that when i watch i am hoping to see something special, something memorable. i enjoy seeing the creator reflected in the players on the field/court.

i don't see an obsession with winning as being helpful if you are on the positive path. if you win you get a very short-lived sense of joy whereas defeat can cause depression and affect your mood for some time. i see young kids being pressured by their parents to win a soccer game and then lambasted if they lose. i recently completed a coaching course and discovered that a large percentage of the kids who quit the game at a young age quit because of parental pressure. the pressure for victory and the fear of losing takes away the joy of playing the game- the very reason they started playing in the first place.