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makiavelli, you're describing having connected your personal value to game victory. which causes the negative feelings if you lose, and the euphoria when you win. basically every time you win or lose you reinforce these emotions by having them. but the most important connection for you is "connecting personal value to success" (basically you believe in "being the best")

personal value isn't in victory. you probably know that even if you do hold yourself to those standards. winning isn't about being the best. winning is being the winner. losing is being the loser. as others have said, both are essential roles.i can only suggest to keep giving it your best, there is nothing wrong with competition and striving to be the best you can be. and then tie personal value to just being there.

disconnect awesomeness from preconditions. you're awesome because thats what you are. because the sun shines, because flowers grow and rivers flow. no reason and all reasons. you just are, if you don't realize this then you're selling yourself short.

it might help to realize the cause of the initial connection. that probably has to do with the intense desire to be accepted and loved by parents who themselves had a competitive edge. but as i said, it's reinforced by you in every game you play. be it basketball or anything else you perceive as competitive. (losing makes you feel bad = evidence to avoid it. winning makes you feel good = evidence to strive for it) if you can neutralize those reinforcers you break the cycle.

on the court i would suggest to keep going for it all. that's sports we're supposed to be competitive. but disconnect from the outcome. don't play to win, play to play. and outside the court if you experience the competitive pull, see if you can give away some of the victories. many small competitions mean nothing. and taking the stance to give victory to whoever wants it in those trivial matters is good for the heart, and you'll discover that people recognize what you do and give you credit for it.