[Qeiafib]

hey yall, this is my first post here and it goes somethin like dis:
competition drives me to excel at the many facets of life, but it feels as though it is enslaving me in a way. for example, i love playing basketball and improving at every instance i get; and every time i'm in a game, i have to win. i can't lose, thinking about losing evokes a certain fear, like of doom. when i do lose, i engorge myself in self-pity and my day is practically lost in negativity. i am always trying to be the best and failure doesn't seem like an option. i understand that it's my ego, but i can't go any further than that. so my question is simple: how do i free myself from this madness?

thank you "who is the happiest of men? he who values the merits of others, and in their pleasure takes joy, even as though 'twere his own" ~ goethe

i'm not a competitive person by nature - i do however measure my abilities against those of others, which is perhaps less of a divisive instinct.

i'm an artist and musician among other things, and will look closely at others to study their techniques and patterns, and be influenced thusly. i will hold my present abilities up to those of others to see where i may learn something. i guess you could call this inspiration!

i'm not one to go green with envy if someone leaves me in the dust with their talent. others i have known do, though, and it is through some sense of inner lacking that they do so. for me, moving forward doesn't mean someone else falling back.

going back to primaeval days of survival of the fittest and territorialism - here competition as witnessed in the animal kingdom is a necessity, upon which is predicated survival itself. it's part of the natural order; all good.

moving forward into the human experience - humans bridge the gap between the 2d animal experience and the 4d experience of love and social-memory-complex building. i don't know a pinch about what life may be like in 4d, but i expect peaceful co-existence and learning practical application of the reality of the consciousness of oneness to figure largely.

so 2d involves millions of years of evolution for an entity, as does 4d. sandwiched in between is an exceedingly short yet incredibly intense ordeal by fire called the human experience. in a roughly 75,000 year (or so) period we move from the pack mentality of warring to survive, to moving through the lessons of love to a point where we can second the voice of mr. goethe, as put forth above.

so we take a look at organized sports for example. see how deeply this resonates within so many cultures of the world? when man was new, he took his pleasure with the belonging to the tribal pack - his newly individuated awareness of self still in many ways secondary to the pack, flock, or herd mentality of his ancient 2d heritage. he existed yet less as an individual and more of an integral part of his community. in matters of war, he fought for the community. largely, the celebration of a victorious contest was the celebration of survival itself.

considering the fact that these social contests have been a part of our lives for so long, and have a primaeval association with issues of survival and quality of life, it's little wonder that so many still resonate so in matters re-vivified by pro sports - which always seem to pit players in opposition, whether individually or in groups. have a look at the pan shots of the stands at the superbowl, or a man u soccer game. can't you just see the tribalism coming out? this is a manifestation of that which has virtually always been a part of our common heritage up 'til now - competition of one's social group with other social groups. while it's not survival within the context of the football game, it speaks to our (not so) latent instincts of pack survival.

i feel competition may be seen as a normal and expected function of being human. it can be as benign as 'the mutual joy' of the thrust and parry! this doesn't mean that eventually there doesn't come the stage wherein the instinctual isn't supplanted by greater awareness. as the great final epiphany of the 2d creature is it's awakening awareness of it's individuality , so the final great epiphany of the 3d creature is it's growing awareness of each other individuated entity as one's own self, undergoing another range of experiencing, and is as worthy of love as one's own self.

concepts of opposition and competition, self worth and relative values of individuals and conditions are then subject to a long and laborious process of winkling out of one's ego, as they are no longer seen to be useful supporting members of one's mental edifice - and are mutually exclusive with true, non relativity-based love.

indeed, inasfar as your heart leaps in consonance with the heart of another who experiences the joy of their being, you have achieved a glimpse of your true self! when one determines to transcend their own internal contradiction between true love and one's own complex mental edifice of relative value... well then, polarization and harvestability are in the offing! mark