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**Kk21pwa9** · 05-01-2009, 02:04 PM

hi stargirl,
yet at the same time, each person is on their own journey, working out things for themselves. sometimes it takes a period of dwelling in darkness and despair to truly appreciate the bright sunlight of joy. for these people, its no good exhorting them to hurry along, or to work it out, or just plain get over it; its their journey, and they walk it their own way.

..accept others for who they are, the way they are...

...at some stages in their life pple can be fragile and in other stages they may have learned to cope with it. pple that seem to be very strong can also be the meost vulnerable, since they hide theit vulnerability away and when they finally in the face of too much oppression give in, they "break" instead of bend. if on the contrary one has been allowed to show ones vulnarable sides one may instead "bend" like a straw of grass and then more easily come back on track.

"to everything turn turn turn, there is a season , turn turn turn, and a time for every purpose under heaven"

applause, both of you.

stargirl:
if everyone had to hide their tragic stories or had to pretend cope with it, suck it up, so to speak, we'd all be a bunch of stiff bricks, ready to crumble into peices when a 'real' tragidy strikes, like a national disaster, for example.

that's what i love about our time period, all the open communication. it lets people know it's ok to be imperfect and have an imperfect family history, so that everyone can feel comfortable enough to share with each other. it didn't used to be like this fifty years ago, when people felt shame when someone found out about a hidden family detail. the shame and humiliation was often the means to a person's eventual demise. but it wouldn't have been like that if they'd known of other people's situation, that other people's families had just as much complexity as their's. and if they'd known that other people grieved differently and for different amounts of time, no one judging another or competing at who grieves more 'efficiently', it may have helped them to deal with their own situation better and accept their own pace so as not to further their shame. when you hide your pain or don't tell other people about it, you could be doing a disservice to someone near you who could have used that reassurance that their are other's who can sympathies with their situation. so, you can say it's selfish to act like a brick and 'get over it' quickly.

also if someone seems to have a harder time dealing with a certain aspect of their life, maybe there's more going on than they're willing to tell about. maybe they have a compilation of problems but are only willing to share a few. maybe some of that compilation is their own empathy towards another family near them who is suffering, or several families, you never really know all of what's going on, you only know what you're being offered by the one you're complaining about, complaining about their issues.

05-01-2009, 02:04 PM	#14
Kk21pwa9 Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 506 Senior Member	hi stargirl, yet at the same time, each person is on their own journey, working out things for themselves. sometimes it takes a period of dwelling in darkness and despair to truly appreciate the bright sunlight of joy. for these people, its no good exhorting them to hurry along, or to work it out, or just plain get over it; its their journey, and they walk it their own way. ..accept others for who they are, the way they are... ...at some stages in their life pple can be fragile and in other stages they may have learned to cope with it. pple that seem to be very strong can also be the meost vulnerable, since they hide theit vulnerability away and when they finally in the face of too much oppression give in, they "break" instead of bend. if on the contrary one has been allowed to show ones vulnarable sides one may instead "bend" like a straw of grass and then more easily come back on track. "to everything turn turn turn, there is a season , turn turn turn, and a time for every purpose under heaven" applause, both of you. stargirl: if everyone had to hide their tragic stories or had to pretend cope with it, suck it up, so to speak, we'd all be a bunch of stiff bricks, ready to crumble into peices when a 'real' tragidy strikes, like a national disaster, for example. that's what i love about our time period, all the open communication. it lets people know it's ok to be imperfect and have an imperfect family history, so that everyone can feel comfortable enough to share with each other. it didn't used to be like this fifty years ago, when people felt shame when someone found out about a hidden family detail. the shame and humiliation was often the means to a person's eventual demise. but it wouldn't have been like that if they'd known of other people's situation, that other people's families had just as much complexity as their's. and if they'd known that other people grieved differently and for different amounts of time, no one judging another or competing at who grieves more 'efficiently', it may have helped them to deal with their own situation better and accept their own pace so as not to further their shame. when you hide your pain or don't tell other people about it, you could be doing a disservice to someone near you who could have used that reassurance that their are other's who can sympathies with their situation. so, you can say it's selfish to act like a brick and 'get over it' quickly. also if someone seems to have a harder time dealing with a certain aspect of their life, maybe there's more going on than they're willing to tell about. maybe they have a compilation of problems but are only willing to share a few. maybe some of that compilation is their own empathy towards another family near them who is suffering, or several families, you never really know all of what's going on, you only know what you're being offered by the one you're complaining about, complaining about their issues.
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