[goldeneggs]

it seems important to try and be clear. (it's funny, cause i thought this post died weeks ago... i can't believe it's still here: like a mad scientist creation… “it’s still alive”, not sure if i'm glad about that or not)

to restate: i get plenty of current real emotions of varying intensity and flavor (“good” and “bad”) i just feel like more of a co-creator with the emotions. when those waves come in, i grab my surf board and try to pick the best one for the ride… but the waves are coming no matter what, and if i’ve put myself out there… i’m gonna get it. so i try to be prepared and ready to make it work for me and carry me back to shore…. but who doesn’t “wipe out” every once in a while? it happens and sometimes you even need help. it just seemed to me… lots of people are out there in big waves with no surf board. and many of them don’t look happy. in fact… many look quite terrified and as if they might go down at any moment… we have a few excellent swimmers, but i wondered if that didn’t sometimes gets tiresome in big waves.

i thought, “hey! i tell them about the surf board!! then, they can get one and ride too!”

this seemed logical to me. fool that i was!! (get telepathic for the comedy here, cause i’m not gonna type it)

i thought… someone might feel like that with the “you can have more control over your emotional state if you want to” idea. that someone might go, “really? i didn’t know that was an option.”

when you have that moment of choice beforehand… when you “pick your wave”: it seems, you "see" the door that you went through to get wherever you end up inside yourself emotionally... so at some point when you decide to leave... it's like you drove your own car there... you know how to get back out.

i know i am a slow in this area… i have tried to watch and understand that people need to go through whatever, as long as they need to… but… this is how it looks to me. not in all cases, but in some: i see people with their hand… as it is healing from what ever trauma. they remember what it felt like when it first happened… in order to remember it more clearly, they re-injure the hand about to where it was before so that the picture is more clear. that is sometimes what it looks like to me… and it… it hurts! and i have not yet learned to see how this is helping. i admit this. this is the core of my judgment: why can’t they use that same energy to apply salve or bandages or even makeup (illusion) to pretend that the hand is healthy and the way they want it? fake it till you make it can be a powerful bridge until you get there.

peace and love

darlyne