[Peterli]

hi tifferella,

great post!!! by your questions, you are definately waking up. i have asked the same or similar questions myself. i have also experienced "hell consciousness" where nothing makes sense and the world appears excessively "dark". welcome to the challenges of being a "wanderer". this world does not make sense to me and never has. i try and try but to no avail, it is still a confusing place. i remember reading an article in the paper about a child molester who won an 8 million dollar jackpot. this one article threw me into a spiral of confusion. i remember thinking, where's karma when you need her? how is winning an 8 million dollar jackpot helping this man? the great cosmic joke, perhaps.

in my life, i have found when events (the world) seem confusing, dark, or chaotic, it helps me to remove myself (even if for a little while) from the situation (or negative thought patterns) and to refocus my thoughts on what is beautiful in the world and/or in my life. i have realized that the only thoughts i can control are my own. this is not always easy and i guess, part of the challenge living in 3d.

namaste,

cynlor