[Muesrasrs]

i wondered whether to put this in the law of one section, but it is a problem that relates to real life, and may have a solution outside the loo, so i thought perhaps here.

i know a guy, they say you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family. now, if i start from the beginning i see this guy as incredibly selfish. he is an adult. he has had a stroke that paralyses one side of his body. (wait till i finish).

before he had his stroke, he used to be someone who was very self centered. he used to smoke constantly, didn't treat his wife too well but was never violent (a certain libran passivity), generally expected to be waited on. avoided all forms of exercise. learned to drive a taxi, and would have a couple of smokes in order to get down there. (home to taxi). watches tv a lot, the tv is not aloud to be switched on in his house, before or after his stroke.

a typical everyday example. once my aunt was sick, upstairs throwing up, unable to move from a bowl. my grandmother notices him going upstairs to see her and asks him what he is doing. he says he wants to ask her to make some food. my grandmother insists that he can't do that and he looks at her, and he says 'but i'm hungry!' almost like anothers feelings don't even factor in for him. like a sociopath.

he has a wife and a son. before he had his stroke, the last thing he said to my grandmother was that if he had one dream, he would sit all day and watch the tv and have a machine that fed him whisky and chocolate every so often and his wife and son would be with him.

after he had his stroke. despite probably being able to talk if he had made the effort. refused to make any effort, because, i think; he liked his situation.

now, fast forward to present day. he is not overly bad but is very rude. to me in particular. the tiny pieces of power that he has, his desire for diet coke, and his tv, the only watchable one in the house. will not be shared if he thinks he can get away with it, (his incredibly devoted wife puts him in line sometimes, my aunt by blood.) he will argue and otherwise try and bully a twelve year old boy away from his diet coke (luckily the kid was streetsmart).

now, the problem is, i don't want to be near him. that is fine. but as i have withdrawn from him, it affects the family. i won't see my cousin so much of which we have a very positive relationship. the thing that has started this though, is that i don't want to go up there at christmas, a strong traditionally family time for me, and a determined sto polarising- willpower opportunity. infact, i had decided to point blank refuse but am thinking it may not be wise (or is that 'loving', with the wisdom being too withdraw) in the balance of love and light.

his constant energetic dampening, which is not too bad but focused on me enough to be irritating, makes my skin crawl.

there are small windows of good in him, a small effort sometimes to be nice, and he has a powerful expression (which is, on the energy level, according to astrology. exactly the same connections to the throat as mine. a reflection thing?) that can make others feel good, however, it is, like i have said, rarely used.

i hope anyone who has something practical to say about this, will respond and speak up.

thankyou in advance.