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**TheReallyBest** · 09-12-2008, 12:26 AM

larissa said:

how do i get strong so that none of it can hurt me anymore????
i'll try to stay away from the spititual platitudes...

you have to learn to take back your power. any power she might have to hurt you is hers only because you have given it to her. take it back, as if you were taking over the reins of a horse, or the wheel of a car. say to her (in your imagination)
"mom, i love you, but you may no longer have the power to determine how i feel. you hurt me when you do. you may not shame me into doing things and feeling things that are not honest and do not reflect who i am. i am taking my feelings back into my own hands."

it sounds silly, but it works! it does take practice -but so did hurting you...and being hurt, by her. it is no more her fault that things are what they are, than it is yours. you created your relationship together; it will take both of you to change it. and while you can't change what she says or does, you can change how you respond to her. if she throws a cutting comment, duck out of the way. lean to the left, or turn sideways. whoosh! see that? it sailed right past you!!!

imagine you are teflon; nothing sticks to you! turn her arrows into nerf balls, or snowballs in hell. what you think of her (or how she makes you feel) is none of her business...not unless you want to give your power to her. in that case, you get what you get.

try it! i bet by the time you start to notice that you can actually do it, you won't need to anymore, because she will have noticed that the old way has lost it's zing: now, she's going to have to really try to hurt you...and since she never wanted that anyway, it'll clearly be way too much trouble to try.

09-12-2008, 12:26 AM	#5
TheReallyBest Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 385 Senior Member	larissa said: how do i get strong so that none of it can hurt me anymore???? i'll try to stay away from the spititual platitudes... you have to learn to take back your power. any power she might have to hurt you is hers only because you have given it to her. take it back, as if you were taking over the reins of a horse, or the wheel of a car. say to her (in your imagination) "mom, i love you, but you may no longer have the power to determine how i feel. you hurt me when you do. you may not shame me into doing things and feeling things that are not honest and do not reflect who i am. i am taking my feelings back into my own hands." it sounds silly, but it works! it does take practice -but so did hurting you...and being hurt, by her. it is no more her fault that things are what they are, than it is yours. you created your relationship together; it will take both of you to change it. and while you can't change what she says or does, you can change how you respond to her. if she throws a cutting comment, duck out of the way. lean to the left, or turn sideways. whoosh! see that? it sailed right past you!!! imagine you are teflon; nothing sticks to you! turn her arrows into nerf balls, or snowballs in hell. what you think of her (or how she makes you feel) is none of her business...not unless you want to give your power to her. in that case, you get what you get. try it! i bet by the time you start to notice that you can actually do it, you won't need to anymore, because she will have noticed that the old way has lost it's zing: now, she's going to have to really try to hurt you...and since she never wanted that anyway, it'll clearly be way too much trouble to try.
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