[ziIReIGS]

so i was watching nascar today and i got lost in thought about just how silly the whole thing is. i mean, it is like some guys said, "ok, we are going to drive as fast as we can in circles, and whoever is first, and doesn't die, then you get a pat on the back until the next race". well, ok, there does happen to be several thousands of dollars involved, but that is beside the point. after further thought i started to realize just how much technical difficulty is involved with just driving around in circles, at say, hundreds of miles an hour. it takes some serious discipline and skill to stay focused and finish the race. so i went all the way from thinking how silly it all is to thinking how these guys are actually like ninjas of machinery.

well, i guess the larger point of all this is that i have started to have problems lately. i have maintained a somewhat arrogant view of just how silly all of this is. none of it makes much sense, you know? but i come full circle to appreciating the people who have somehow made this thing work. it takes some serious fire in the belly to accomplish anything here. so i have become very humbled by this planet that we live on, and the people that live on it.

but, you have to ask yourself, what kind of a world is it when fantastic, amazing people such as gandhi, martin luther king, and jesus are assassinated?

the confusion that has gripped me lately is bordering on unbearable. if this earth is a school, and the harder the knocks then the bigger the lesson, then wow, i have learned so much already. but then i see my mom and how much she worries about me and my well being. i simply cannot follow through with this hard knock thing anymore.

anyway, i guess i am reaching out to the old souls that frequent this forum. any advice at all would be appreciated. i don't want to give up and i guess i need a little support.

love to all,
foo