[ziIReIGS]

oh i feel the same way. take friday night for an example. me and my girlfriend were watching a show called manswers. *shivers* for those who dont know its a show for men by men with women dressed i next to nothing and them answering questions about man things.

i got instantly irratated at this show. i understand some like it and theres people out there that are at the distortion of wanting that information but it bothered me. i looked at my girl and said," am i a guy? am i really a man? this stuff plays no interest in anyhting i want to know nor care about."

i get this way with sports, nascar (is it a sport?) general tv shows. i dont watch much tv in the first place only at my girlfriends, she has her few fav shows like fringe and all those interesting ones, but i find my self mainly watching history chanel or something about science or space.

i have dealt with this for a long time, with irritation and a lost feeling with everything around me, the hard knocks will just keep coming, take them with stride and learn from each one. learning/teaching, is the greatest gift anyone can give.

i have never heard of that show but it sounds mind numbing. stuff like that doesn't appeal to me either. and beyond that, i think it serves to debase our people.

but on the other hand, i think humor is one of the absolutely most important tools to lighten up our world. and like dw said, more people trust john stewart than they do their main stream news source. i think that show is so unbelievably brilliant sometimes it actually makes me shed a tear. and along with colbert, is leading my hope that this country is resisting this debilitating environment that "they" have created for us. and i realize that i must somehow take some responsibility with the current situation our country is in. because we are all in this together, right?

so i want to thank you for your kind words. not that anyone has to have the perfect answer. i guess sometimes i need to know that i am not in this alone. because sometimes i really feel that way.

wow foo,

thats quite a post and i'm not sure i'm the one to give out advice, but i'll give 'er the ole' college try...

i really appreciated what you wrote here:

the appreciation part is so important, much more than any of us realize. humility's always a good lesson too.

but, then you have written this:

i would remind you of the saying, "this density is not for understanding." you'll drive yourself crazy trying to understand it all (and it seems you have been). i wouldn't dare try to give the answer to that question, as it is paradoxical in nature.

if i may, could you be a bit more specific on this:

that may be where you could get the best advice...

hang in there! for each up, there's a down and vice-versa. troubling times today are to be followed by better times tomorrow, etc., etc.

art

thank you! and actually art, you were one of the ones that i really wanted to see a response from. like i said above, it is not about getting the perfect answer it is more, for me, feeling a part of the group and knowing that i am not alone. and you have such a steady calming way about you. as for me, i am quite the excitable guy and i think stability is definitely not my strong point. but i guess my greatest challenge will become my greatest strength, right? i do feel like i have occasional bouts of brilliance but the problem is that i have not had the confidence in myself to feel like i can maintain a steady stream on a level that i know to be possible for me to attain. i can blame this on a number of things like a dysfunctional childhood or a sick society. but the little bit of wisdom that i am consciously aware of is that blaming other reasons does not solve anything. i have arrived at a point in my life where i need solutions and not more reasons to hold myself back.

just by writing this i have cleared some things up now. and you know what they say, that each individual person already knows the answers but sometimes they need a little help drawing it out of them.

anyway, to elaborate on more specific examples of my issues, the symptoms are as follows:

-can't seem to steadily hold down a job out of a lack of endurance to continually do the mundane.
-i will admit that i have had my struggle with alcohol. my family was practically drenched in it and i do think i understand what it means to be genetically predisposed to it. i have such an intense nature that it has been a real big challenge to learn how to control it.
-and because i am very aware of the selfishness of all of this then i think about my mom and how she feels about it all. when we suffer our loved ones suffer too. she had an enormous plate of challenges presented to her and she has made her mistakes. but all her mistakes were made with love and trying to do the right thing. and she has learned from them and has finally gotten to a good place in her life. now she deserves to feel comfortable and not worry about her son's well being.

and now for the light at the end of the tunnel: i know that if i can win this thing, which means to master myself, then i will be a darn jedi knight after all of this.

have you ever had struggles such as these? and if so then how did you overcome them?

thanks in advance,
foo