[freevideoandoicsI]

what a fascinating discussion. i don't have a problem with labels if it helps to communicate observations, as opposed to a separatist us and them mentality, and would love to be able to put some kind of label on what i am or have, to facilitate more understanding.

so, i read about indigos, check. i read about wanderers, check. now its aspergers, check again. so who am i? i'm not begging for a label, only to know what's going on, so that i can respond appropriately. being different has made life very difficult, and i was suicidal most of my life because it was just too much to take.

now two young people close to me are getting pretty constant with their suicide attempts. their symptoms are similar to mine, so i have no problem understanding their longing to leave this world.

there are some very intelligent wise people on this forum. for those who would care to comment, here is my list of traits: extreme sensitivity to external stimuli, sounds, light etc. , inability to socialize in a normal way, can't understand what they're talking about half the time, also dislike of "small talk", very high iq, addictive personality, obsessive compulsive to some degree, fascination with the stars, used to stare at mars through a telescope when a child, read every science fiction book in my small library by the age of 12, didn't play with the kids at recess, read books instead, fascination with the paranormal from an early age, can't stay in a supermarket etc. for long become overwhelmed, will get overwhelmed very easily by just about anything.

overwhelmed by responsibility, so have simplified my life by selling my house, giving away all possessions, and travelling around. feel best when i travel. am curious about everything, especially people, love to observe them. can't seem to have long term relationships, will sabatoge them or just run away. on the other hand have a small group of friends i am extremely loyal to, most i have known for long periods. very sensitive to the pain of others.

there's more, but i guess i better stop. the worst thing was the overwhelming emotional pain of unknown origin that was what caused the constant thoughts of suicide. that's gone now, only residuals left. what a relief. have explored many therapies, trying to fix myself. but now it's just a matter of living one day at a time, being in the moment, enjoying each moment, grateful for the many blessings, still wondering about the label but am content to not know, if that is what happens. acceptance is a wonderful healer.