[Anteneprorid]

hi there.

i noticed something rather weird about me, but it kinda worries me.

i would actually be eaten alive from feeling bad after i would accidentally hurt an animal, or refuse to help somebody, but at the same time, i would feel no guilt at all to attack somebody who is acting illogical and and who is making himself believe some things which can not be.

this mostly applies to the people who are not open minded and who refuse intelligent arguments for the sake of their beliefs, and make all sorts of stupid arguments just to justify their beliefs. i'd feel no guilt at all to smite them to the ground, no matter how they feel. and this kinda scares me, cos i actually am not valuing the free will by doing so.

but how can this be? i know i am very compassionate, but when somebody is insulting my intelligence (like lots of common christian floks), i actually feel bad if i don't explode.

but again, the free will.. whats wrong with me?

somethings not right, huh?

same goes for the majority of the music industry. being a musician myself, i hate the fact the most of songs today are all just the same $%$#, in different package, meant only to be sold and nothing else. people could feel like i'm insulting their music, but i can't understand that people just listen to this music just because they like it, dough they know its just the same thing they heard million times before, and only intended to make money by it, and nothing else. faked feelings, faked intentions. this makes me angry.

i mean, i would like those songs myself, as well as many melodies which i can find catchy, but i refuse to, cos i know what they are truly made for. so as i said, i end up insulting people's music, and feel no guilt about it...

i kinda comfort myself by thinking that i'm actually meant to be like that, in the name of justice or something. but i know that people are suppose to be like that and think that way, cos it's their choice. but why don't i feel sorry when i attack, or even destroy this ignorance they call "belief"?

so... any ideas?


edit: ok, maybe i didn't use the right words. i would never assault anybody and do him physical harm. when i say attack, i mean attack verbally, through conversation, and i wouldn't "attack" the person, i would attack those beliefs. so i wouldn't really insult a person, at least not directly. but then again, i wouldn't mind if they felt bad after i attacked their beliefs, and proved them wrong.

sorry for not making it clear the first time.

dino