[rorsvierwelia]

i totally understand what you are saying, and how it feels.

to me you have two choices:
assume that events in this life are the result of chance. this collection of chance events piles up for these poor people and leads to this horrid life you describe. random outcomes lead to an unfair existence, this unfair existence clearly disproves the existence of a loving god. really a random universe is about the worst possible outcome i can imagine.
or
there are no random events, a loving god wouldn’t allow for that. all experiences in this live can be traced to some cause created by the individual in the “past”. which is a nice way of saying everyone gets what they have caused for themselves all the time. these experiences are horrible because of some past cause that led to the individual’s current pain.

you do have a third option, a middle way:
to conjecture on this subject is clearly causing you undue pain, and it’s likely that no collection of words or thoughts will resolve this issue for you presently. these kinds of questions (if handled the wrong way) will vex your mind, cause you pain, and slow your growth. perhaps your anguish is a sign that you should stop seeking answers for a while and start experiencing the very present moment. try to spend a few hours thinking of nothing beyond the walls of the room you are in.

past, present, future, fair, evil are all just concepts that don’t exist outside your own mind. put them down for a while and come back to this later. these concepts are tools and like any tool they can create value or create destruction.