[MgpojuWy]

hello

in sweden we say "direktkontakt" to discern f.i mailing from talking "in person"....

i experience a constant stream of synchronicities since the early 80:s, have read everything i could come across, i'm doing astrology, i've been to mediums, i'm attending a basic course in mediumship, i'm on this forum....

....but i have not had the direct, personal contact with a spirit or light...is that because i'm not open enough? because of my depressive tendencies, my remaining animosity towards pple who don't respect my interest in these topics?

yesterday a famous actor described in swedish radio something that happened to him when he was studying philosophy in the 70:ies..he said he's not religious, doesn't believe in god, when we're dead, we're dead etc and all the same he had this extraordinary experience one night from feeling as he was lifted up in the air, having problems with breathign, seeing a tingling light in the window, rushing out in space ending up in a big lightexplosion without a sound, "waking up" finding himself lying on the floor thinking "there must be lightning and thunder outside", looking out the window it was a cold winternight, absolute still with an almost full moon.

for 1 month after that he felt totally at peace, seeing everything in a holisitc perspective, loving everybody...
..and still he's not a "believer" in anything...

... stellan skarsgård, another famous swede in hollywood now acting in david browns "angels and demons" doesn' t believe in anything either, he acts though in a movie that deal with paranormal activity....just read the article the day before the radioprogram...a synchronicity per se...

...i know i know i know...we all have different paths..
....but i am so frustrated from having lost my mundane caréer...i fear i will never have the opportunity to tell my truth again...i feel so trapped and guilty for not having enough faith...and that's a "sin" per se....because if you don't have the faith, have feelings of jealousy and inferiority you will never be successful...stange thing i was successful before i had the esoteric knowledge i now have....and so..

...i'm stuck with the idea that for me personally, i will be denied wordly fulfillment if i'm pursuing the path of enlightenment or whatever we call it here...and at the same thime i know this stems from my childhood and my two jealous mothers and weak father that i choose myself before i reincarnated and so on...

i feel like the snake that bites it's own tail (and not in the positive sense) and so i think that if i would have this "directcontact" i would feel liberated..i'm not talking about escaping from the difficulties, i've had enough from that in this life.........and now i feel i have to cut pple out of my life...they either oppose my beliefs or just take no interest or have big personal codependencyproblems and want me to check therir horoscopes without cost...i feel i have to run and hide...don't know where to go......

...what's the meaning of this feeling of separatedness? yes i know, it will propel me into further searching and digging into my own darkness....i feel as i'm never graduating from school....

is it possible to pray for this contact? or does it only come with spiritual development? (for me)...of course you don't know.....i'm calling out to the collective mind via this forum....and i'm trying hard not to excuse myself for complaining...hope it can be a catalyst for others that feel the same....

...nobody knows the trouble i've seen
nobody knows but............

liliane the transit