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**SaraKonradtt** · 06-16-2008, 02:18 AM

is it possible to experience so much intensity of experience, that when it dies, the scar is too deep.....and there is no more left to give?

maybe i just put physical intimacy on a pedestal too much.....but for me, it's more than that. it's that feeling of complete oneness with someone. nirvana. satori.
i don't know if i can ever feel that way about anyone else.

i want to belong somewhere.
but there is such a huge difference between the dream world and the real world.

i ask the spirit world, and i ask god, for answers.

but it seems that romantic love is not the way i imagined.

i imagined once that there was someone for everyone.

the relationship with the man, who is the father of my children, for 8 years, seemed to cause us both only so much pain. he could never understand why i needed to be closer to him, and it hurt me so badly that i couldn't be. i was depressed for a very long time, especially after giving birth to our second child, and especially when it didn't work out when we tried living together. i withdrew into myself and had little motivation for anything anymore. all i wanted to do was find answers, to help bring meaning to life, to it all; to give me strength.
and though it's been an interesting journey, i still feel so unsure of everything. perhaps if i had other, like-minded people to share it with, it would be easier? who knows.

i felt so alone in many ways....so i tried to escape.

only now, now that it is too late, do i realize just how much the man i've known all that time..... really means to me. now it is too late.

this pain is so deep, like nothing i've ever experienced before.....it's sheer torture. it sounds selfish......i really feel i want to die.....but i know i can't.

i feel so alone.

where is my other half?

why has god never answered this prayer?

is this world just an illusion?

if we create our own reality, then why haven't i ever been able to find him.....i've been trying to find him since the age of 9?

perhaps i just need to become "detached"?

i'm so confused.......about so much.

am i the "weakest link"?

edited to add:

i feel ridiculous for going on about my problems all the time.

06-16-2008, 02:18 AM	#1
SaraKonradtt Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 357 Senior Member	Life after love is it possible to experience so much intensity of experience, that when it dies, the scar is too deep.....and there is no more left to give? maybe i just put physical intimacy on a pedestal too much.....but for me, it's more than that. it's that feeling of complete oneness with someone. nirvana. satori. i don't know if i can ever feel that way about anyone else. i want to belong somewhere. but there is such a huge difference between the dream world and the real world. i ask the spirit world, and i ask god, for answers. but it seems that romantic love is not the way i imagined. i imagined once that there was someone for everyone. the relationship with the man, who is the father of my children, for 8 years, seemed to cause us both only so much pain. he could never understand why i needed to be closer to him, and it hurt me so badly that i couldn't be. i was depressed for a very long time, especially after giving birth to our second child, and especially when it didn't work out when we tried living together. i withdrew into myself and had little motivation for anything anymore. all i wanted to do was find answers, to help bring meaning to life, to it all; to give me strength. and though it's been an interesting journey, i still feel so unsure of everything. perhaps if i had other, like-minded people to share it with, it would be easier? who knows. i felt so alone in many ways....so i tried to escape. only now, now that it is too late, do i realize just how much the man i've known all that time..... really means to me. now it is too late. this pain is so deep, like nothing i've ever experienced before.....it's sheer torture. it sounds selfish......i really feel i want to die.....but i know i can't. i feel so alone. where is my other half? why has god never answered this prayer? is this world just an illusion? if we create our own reality, then why haven't i ever been able to find him.....i've been trying to find him since the age of 9? perhaps i just need to become "detached"? i'm so confused.......about so much. am i the "weakest link"? edited to add: i feel ridiculous for going on about my problems all the time.
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