[mpzoFeJs]

hello darlin

i feel your feelings...in my first relationship, i ached for closeness also. we had two children together, we could be happy sometimes, but mostly i ached for more. i felt that i wasn't getting in return what i was giving, he didn't love me as much as i loved him. after a 11 yr. relationship (7 yrs. of marriage), his problems cut me too deep and i realized i was sacrificing myself for love that wasn't satisfying me. sometimes we think that is the way it is supposed to be-we sacrifice our own wants and desires to have a half ass love life. i always used to ask myself in the back of my mind 'is this what my life is supposed to be, am i not supposed to have a full love life like i wish for when i was young, am i not supposed to receive the love that i put forth?' my mind rambled daily, for i was missing something in my life daily. the key was-if this is my true love, i shouldn't feel like something is missing. after being without him for a few years, i finally realized-even though i loved him with all my heart, he was not ever going to love me the way i desired to be loved. to this day, i am not sure i will find that kind of love. i try to let the love life find its own way, and try to make the best of everything else in my life.

you must stay connected to your children! not for his sake so he sees what a great mother you can be-and not for your sake so you know your a good mother-but for your children's sake-for you brought them into this world. everything you and your ex does will impact those children. your must rise above these feelings when it comes to your children. imprint your love and light to them every chance you get. we can drown in the depression or we can choose to live this life like its our last chance.

what if-what if this life will result in your next life. what if we pass from this life with sorrow weighing heavy on our soul and this causes us to have to relive more catalyst! what if we drown in the negative feelings and this is what holds us back from being strong enough to move forward into the next vibration of bliss.

you mention in your post-why doesn't god answer these questions-

god doesn't intervene. the logos can help you in strength, confidence, overcoming, rising above, ect....but only if we choose first to take those paths with our head held high. the logos will not drop it in our lap and say 'here is your wish' i sooooo know this for a fact! from as young as i can remember till about age 14-i cried to sleep every night. i had lost my older brother when i was 2. my memories faded from me and i would cry every night for god to just show him to me one time. i ached for god to show me my brother, it killed my spirit because i ached for him so. i thought i deserved to see him again. i thought-how dare god not to give me this right to see him just one more time. my teenage yrs. i stopped praying for these things, i began escaping through drugs ect ect.....i am lucky that i didnt let that dark world swallow me up and keep my soul for its own. my children is what saved my life. i became pregnant at age 19, this put an abrupt stop to my partying and escaping.

i can now look back and see that i went from one stage of my life to another without healing from the past. this caused me to need my lover more then he needed me. i was trying to fill a void with another kind of love. it took me 11 yrs. to learn it wasnt working! what was hard on me was the fact that i felt my children were now going to be a part of a broken family. but ya know what, they weren't getting the kind of love they needed either. i began telling myself, why settle for less....if i want more, and i am not going to get it here, its better to never get it then to settle for less, because i am not less and i dont want to be less then what i am.

i am not sure about this all being an illusion. the reason i say that is because what happens here matters. it matters because it determines our vibrations for the next. if it didnt matter, our vibrations wouldn't ever change. your higher self could of placed you in a life that would test your strength, test your desires, test your sense of needs. we must place strength in our children and show them that anything is possible if they are true to their selves. we must show our children that desires are not needs. we must show our children what the needs of life are and show them to be thankful for the necessities they have daily( food, shelter, spirit). take what you have received from this relationship and make the best of it. if you are making the best of everything, no matter how hard it is, you are changing your vibration. your children have been blesses-because they have a mother who is strong in spirit!!! this spirit is in them, and you are the one who will teach them how to let that spirit shine! you are the one that has the ability to show them how strong they can be. if our children see us letting things hold us back from being content-they will do the same thing with their life. we dont want our little girls to grow up being dependent on a man for happiness. we dont want our children growing up being afraid of love because of the risk of sorrow. we want them to live through experiences with a brave heart and a sure foot in knowing who they are and what they want and to not settle for less.

its funny now, when i hear a great love song now, i don't think of men anymore. i think of the logos, and how much i am loved by the true love. the love i long for is the love that created me. i long to return to this love and i am going to overcome these hardships in this life so i can return to it. i don't want a life of more lessons and catalysts! so i am going to make the best of it-this life is truly so short when we look at it from the bigger picture. the busier we stay with making the best of it, the faster time will pass and we wont have the time to dwell on the things we are wanting. what if your higher self is needing you to step up and over come this sorrow? look at your higher self as a love, and it needs you to make the best of things. you have been given the best gift of all! -children- what if their souls saw your deep spirit, and wanted to have you as a mom because they wanted to come into this life with someone that could strengthen their spirit. sometimes, as a mom, we sacrifice our own desires. but in the end, its the greatest catalyst we could be given, because it can humble someone like no other catalyst can. you are a creator, and you have created the greatest thing that we are able to create in this world. we choose to make the best of it or we choose to drown in the things we desire and dont understand. it will all effect out outcome of our vibration! you are a warrior in the spirit world. you have the strength to step up and make the best of things. i promise you, you do...i am still working on all of these things myself. the ones who are delivered into a life of many hardships are the ones with the strongest spirits. nothing is 'just because'-there are reasons for everything.

the true lesson of love is loving ourself without anyone else. you are a beautiful spirit. i know its all easier said then done, but the outcome of loving ourself without anyone else is the most beautiful thing we can accomplish here. when we love ourself, the higher spirit smiles with pride, for it is the only thing that knows what we are capable of. when we find this capability, our high self gleams with happiness. your higher self loves you more then any human being can love you. the fact that you and i don't feel like we are receiving love from another that we are wanting could be a sign to you and me both that its time to find the bigger love, the higher love, the real love, of the logos. its a sign that our time here in this world could be reaching a final stage, and its time for us to work on returning to our true love-the logos.

i am sorry my post are so long, its hard to put into words what i am trying to relay.

my love to you,
lynette