[SaraKonradtt]

just want to let everyone know i appreciate your replies. sorry this is short. i feel in a really bad way right now. i know my ex cares about me, and i keep fooling myself there may still be hope. but he's spending more and more time with this girl. last night i kept thinking to myself that "infinite love is the only truth, everything else is illusion". this helped calm me, because it helps to see every person as one rather than separate.

but last night i couldn't sleep very well; had problems breathing because of this cold. so i went out and knocked on his door, as his house is very close by. he told me to go away, so i respected this. i am pretty certain she was with him again as i think i could see her shoes on the floor.

we talked yesterday, and hugged......and i just wanted to spend more time with him. but i've lost him. i've lost my anchor.

inside, i'm panicking.....i feel petrified.

i have considered speaking to a counselor, but i have tried this before and it didn't help much.

i know it sounds selfish, but i'm frightened that this pain will never end, and all i feel like doing right now is bringing an end to it all, despite all the time that has been given here, in places like this, to help me to look at things differently. i feel like i am a burden on everyone in my life.

i am a dreamer.
i don't feel i was made for this world.

i'm terrified.