[SaraKonradtt]

i would just like to let everyone know i am feeling a little bit better now. i still have a long way to go, but the tears and anxiety/ panic attacks have now stopped. i have a friend who has been staying with me since may 27th. it does make me wonder if she was destined to come at this time, a most difficult period in my life.

i have begun to accept that i need to accept the final stage of letting this man go, who i have known for such a long time. we weren't really suited to each other.....but we have shared so much time, so many memories, as well as two children. i had hoped that perhaps there was still a chance for us to work through our differences, but now i must accept that it is time to move on, and have faith that i can eventually find love again, a more suitable love (i hope!), when the time is right.

i was listening to my karmic astrology report again today. i do wonder how much the planets have a part to play in this. it sounds like a difficult chart in several ways. and there is not much to help manifest a steady relationship as far as my 7th house goes. having moon conjunct pluto in libra and venus in cancer, i do feel this longing rather acutely. but if i must learn to live without it, then i guess that's what i'll need to do. maybe i'll be able to conquer these these planetary inconveniences some day and bring a deep, fulfilling relationship into manifestation.

maybe i've just been to afraid to move on....

so afraid that everything is just random and unpredictable....even though i truly feel, at times of deep insight, that everything happens for a reason, and according to a plan, of some sort.

i am a little worried about being able to cope after my friend leaves my house next week, on the 28th.

but i have already felt that my confidence has grown since she has been here.
i feel no longer to cling to the computer in the way i did before, instead of getting out of the house.
i now know that if i feel depressed, i can get out and go for a walk, rather than staying indoors, feeling unable to move/ motivate myself, and end up feeling worse due to the effects of this on my health.

i really do need to find myself plenty of friends nearby, where i live.

let's hope that destiny will bring me towards these people, now i am willing and confident enough to do whatever i can to find them.


i do feel as though i was dying during those days after it all came to a head, at the beginning of last week. there has been nothing i can remember, in my life, that i have gone through, that has ever been so painful, including giving birth, and the problems i experienced as a teenager.

perhaps a part of me has died, giving way for something new.

i realize that whatever i need to do, whatever discipline required to overcome my problems, will be worth it in the end. it is far better that i do acquire the discipline needed to overcome my problems than to ever experience that pain that i have been going through. i felt i was terribly close to losing my mind.

perhaps going through this will help me to empathize with others, to an even greater degree than before.


let us all be there for one another.

let us image and ordain strength to one another.