[AndyColemants]

i have no advice to give - everyone has given beautiful words and the truth. all those will not change anything, they may bring temporary relief, and certainly the wonderful feeling of not being alone, and being in a support network of like minded souls. but the experience will continue until it stops. simple. it will take whatever it will take.

i have had this gut wrenching experience not once but many times, and the last three times were almost identical in content and behavior, banging my head against the wall and believing that next time it will be different. ha!!

and the whole time i have been telling myself all the things you guys have come up with. isn't it obvious that i won't find satisfaction on the outside. isn't it obvious that i give myself away so that i feel like i exist. isn't it obvious that i will never get back that which i put out, and will never get what i want from the other. isn't it obvious?

nope. those are just words. and concepts. and truths which will never stick until they do. and all i can do is keep going and do the best that i can. what else is there? does it help to know that others are suffering as much as i? not really. they are them, and i am me. and as long as i'm in pain i know i'm in separation.

so i have no advice, and no words of comfort. except that i survived it, and it sounds like a few others around here have as well. does that help? i doubt it.

one of my favorite sayings from 12 step is "nothing changes if nothing changes." very profound.