[Abarricoss]

this relates to my second post in regards post concerning the four woman and my self sitting at the large round table.

after watching the online video's project camelot i purchased the book about dreams that dw mentions in part 1, the book comes with a cd with guided meditations. after all the above (previous posts) i thought that i would try the cd out to see what would happen.

after i had flown around in my dream space touching the stars ect i become a little disinterested so i basically came back out of it, so i was awake and staring at the ceiling when it came to me .

this was crystal clear in my mind and i was unable to sleep as it kept replaying in my mind the four woman that sat opposite me at the large round table were reflections of my mind, the woman at my left is very attractive and desirable the woman on her left is financially orientated, business properties numbers (math) the woman on her left is a plain girl very quietly spoken and the woman on her left my right is very independent or self sufficient .

now to put this in perspective in life if i am walking down the street and a attractive woman walks by its like theres a magnet attached to my eyes
and the pretty woman
the rest of the world basically disappears if some one was to walk up to me and start talking it would be like hearing a noise in the back ground while i am drooling like homer simpson the person talking hardly even exists as my attention is obviously else where .

now the problem with this is the attractive woman has now been turned into an object of my desire that blinds me or disconnects me from the rest of the world including parts of my self.
now back to reality theres actually a person with intellect and feelings hidden
behind the desire i have created in my mind so in effect i have dehumanized
her by doing so and denied myself the opportunity of even knowing her .

back to the round table, now to put this into context by only focusing on my desire i have either ignored appeared bored or taken for granted (devalued) the other three woman sitting at the table and at the same time i have dehumanized the woman whom has the curse of myself finding her attractive.

on top of that by doing the above i have disconnected from the feminine parts of my self for example i have since childhood found (math) boring
as a result i am basically mathematically dyslexic which basically means any thing to do with numbers was to be avoided at all costs or at least keeping exposure down to the minimum.
as a result i have severely restricted my life as we live in a world of numbers, 'think about it'.

the quiet plain girl with the soft soothing voice would be connected to my intuition she would often be drowned out by the other woman talking over the top of her while she spoke.
in reality she had a very important message to give but in a desire based mind set would most likely be ignored.

several days after meeting with the woman i went to a restaurant for lunch
by myself i was served by a woman whom actually remembered me and was very welcoming she proceeded to help me make a selection in regards to what to order suggesting that i not order garlic bread as the dish already came with bread and i most likely would be full at that stage.
the waitress remembered what coffee i liked as she remembered me also and brought me the coffee, over all the service was exceptional and i enjoyed my meal very much.

as i was paying for the meal preparing to leave the woman whom served me
asked me if i enjoyed the meal i responded (if the food is good i am there)
she looked at me shocked and said and the service.

as i was leaving i could have slapped myself i had just taken them both for granted or in dw's words treated them like a prostitute, the more i wake up the more i see how much i take people for granted woman especially but in the same regard i am starting to see how connected i am to every one else and how important it is to treat them as i myself would like to be treated because it is becoming increasingly clear that if i do it to them i am also doing it to myself .