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**Agrisalia** · 07-06-2008, 01:11 AM

foo,

i was chatting to my son about the suicide last night and he said that the family still doesn't want to talk about it. no one even knows how the boy actually killed himself. the family is obviously having a very hard time & my heart still goes out to them.

i think part of the story is that there was probably very high expectations on the guy. my son goes to a school that about 3/4 of the kids are in a very academic french program but my son is not in it. about three years ago another boy committed suicide and that was the story that eventually came out. he just couldn't handle the pressure of the ever-increasing expectations from his parents & teachers.

i recognized early on that being a high achiever was not a ticket to success so i've only pressured my kids to make sure that they did their best, had respect for their teachers, have lots of interests but kept an active social life.

i was a good student and spent many years in university only to find that i was being fed a bunch of bull from professors who were trapped in a bureaucratic bubble. but i've warned my kids that they don't want marks that will be closing doors to opportunities they may want to pursue in the future.

then again, sometimes you can't overthink this stuff and you have to just go with your intuition.

foo, it's good you are thinking about this now!

hugs,
stacy

in my experience with grief, and i am sure you can relate with your experience with your aunt, that a loss like this is so overwhelming that it is a while before you can even begin to process it. i am sure it will be a long time before they can even let themselves feel any emotion or talk about it. my heart bleeds for them.

in my humble opinion, i think you have a great formula for a healthy, balanced family. there are many forms that success can take besides just regurgitating outdated data from professors who are trapped in a "bureaucratic bubble".

but, just like you said, sometimes you kind of have to play their game a bit in order to not close doors to any opportunities for yourself.

let me add one thing to your already great formula. i have always kind of been the guy who is not terribly ambitious and i have always said that "i just want to be happy". but a mentor of mine told me once that that is not enough. he said not to just be happy but to go out and do good. go out and do something positive for the world. the happiness will definitely come right along with that but, in his opinion, it is almost kind of lazy to just sit around and be happy.

i don't know, just food for thought.

in humility and gratitude,
foo

07-06-2008, 01:11 AM	#9
Agrisalia Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 486 Senior Member	foo, i was chatting to my son about the suicide last night and he said that the family still doesn't want to talk about it. no one even knows how the boy actually killed himself. the family is obviously having a very hard time & my heart still goes out to them. i think part of the story is that there was probably very high expectations on the guy. my son goes to a school that about 3/4 of the kids are in a very academic french program but my son is not in it. about three years ago another boy committed suicide and that was the story that eventually came out. he just couldn't handle the pressure of the ever-increasing expectations from his parents & teachers. i recognized early on that being a high achiever was not a ticket to success so i've only pressured my kids to make sure that they did their best, had respect for their teachers, have lots of interests but kept an active social life. i was a good student and spent many years in university only to find that i was being fed a bunch of bull from professors who were trapped in a bureaucratic bubble. but i've warned my kids that they don't want marks that will be closing doors to opportunities they may want to pursue in the future. then again, sometimes you can't overthink this stuff and you have to just go with your intuition. foo, it's good you are thinking about this now! hugs, stacy in my experience with grief, and i am sure you can relate with your experience with your aunt, that a loss like this is so overwhelming that it is a while before you can even begin to process it. i am sure it will be a long time before they can even let themselves feel any emotion or talk about it. my heart bleeds for them. in my humble opinion, i think you have a great formula for a healthy, balanced family. there are many forms that success can take besides just regurgitating outdated data from professors who are trapped in a "bureaucratic bubble". but, just like you said, sometimes you kind of have to play their game a bit in order to not close doors to any opportunities for yourself. let me add one thing to your already great formula. i have always kind of been the guy who is not terribly ambitious and i have always said that "i just want to be happy". but a mentor of mine told me once that that is not enough. he said not to just be happy but to go out and do good. go out and do something positive for the world. the happiness will definitely come right along with that but, in his opinion, it is almost kind of lazy to just sit around and be happy. i don't know, just food for thought. in humility and gratitude, foo
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