[addyta.org]

it seems natural to close up when you get hurt, you could call it instinctive, a survival mechanism. that old man did what he had to do, he didn't have a choice in a way, and talking to the young man about his regret didn't seem to do either of them any good, as the young man died anyway.

i would like to be more open, sure, and i can hear those kinds of words and watch the movies and get reminded over and over, and none of it will make any difference unless and until whatever is meant to happen happens and the next step is taken.

however, you bringing this story to the forum is wonderful and i'd like to thank you , because it did get me to think and ponder and come up with a few things. there's a paradox there, i think.

i have this problem of trying to pass on my wonderful wisom to my girls, and it doesn't seem to make much difference. well, trying to pass on is an understatement, i more like force feed them, i'm embarrased to say. and i can't stop myself, no matter how many resolutions i make.

so i guess i gotta put the self forgiveness into action, and keep being reminded until it "takes" and i'm on my way. it helps to have this forum to talk in, it's like my thoughts get more coherence if i share them, having them dance around in my mind with no outlet is crazy making.

i really really appreciate and admire your honesty and willingness to share whatever is going on with you, foosnik, i'm sure it's appreciated by all.

love, larissa