[Gakeincidoniac]

transiten, i'm sorry for what you're going through. i've been dealing with some of this myself- issues of despair and not seeing how things can get better or change much.

i've also been experiencing some inner nudges proding me to shift my perception of this. this is what has been revealing itself lately.

this seems to have been helped after writing a letter of gratitude to my higher self, thanking self/spirit for leading me to helpfull books,teachers,friends..etc in my past, acknowledging these times where i felt more "in the flow" or more in synch. as i wrote, i went ahead and included thanks for the challenging times where nothing seemed to help (such as what i've been experiencing recently).

in this writing/contemplative/gratitude process i recognized that the deeper the suffering, the greater the pressure to surrender to spirit and with this surrender (recalling my past experience) is revealed a deeper space of presence/peace/stillness within us that we then radiate (knowingly or unknowingly) to others. i've been remembering that i'm in this process- a part of it/one with it.


a prayer came to me, expressing this as:

may my suffering be offered in the healing and blessing of all beings.

while i repeated it within me and felt it, i also felt into the sense or perception that said:

- nothing is wasted. not just this suffering but every moment and every littlest bit of our experience is of value and part of a total process that is essentially loving and ultimately cleansing and healing.

the image that came up was that my suffering was like a glass of water- where the water is the suffering i am holding. in realizing that the water in that glass is also perfectly one with the water flowing in the river, it was like i was no longer relating to it as something "i" needed to contain. i could just let it flow and metaphorically toss it back into the river.

the realization for me is: i dont need to hold on to it- this cosmos is ultimately trustworthy- their is a larger process at work that i may not be able to fathom at this time (but that's ok- i dont necessarily need to).

out of this process i have felt an energetic loosening and a sort of dropping into a deeper, more at ease place.

know that i'm wishing you this ease to.

tomas :- )