[BloofPailafum]

thank you everyone.

this has been quite insightful.

thank you, kris, everyone.
i had a strange day yesterday. i had this brilliant reiki healing at this group i went along to. then when i got back, the boys father, who was looking after them- we had an argument. i felt as though i had gone from a womb-like experience straight into one of hatred.

so i cried myself to sleep and shouted at god, ra and everyone in the spirit world for leaving me so alone.
i feel tired of this life, tired of being me.

i feel too fat and unattractive for anyone to want me right now.
i really want to be held though. being told people care about me in the other dimensions isn't enough. i need something i can see and feel- in this life....
my family love and care about me, but i just feel i'm not like any of them at all.

i long for a wavelength.

i feel so scared of getting out there, trying to meet people, etc, and starting right from the beginning.
i have no social life, no friends.
the only person i had was the boy's father.
its so confusing because i feel i'll always have love for him, its just clear we're not right for each other....whereas with him its all or nothing.
i've tried so hard to get these feelings across to him for so long- he just sticks his head in the sand. and we end up sleeping together again....its a very confusing situation.
i feel trapped within this prison of my life, my identity, these circumstances.
i want to be free, long to be free.
i feel like i'm ready to return to the creator already....because i feel so tired of everything.
tired of the "world of illusion", etc, etc.......

sorry.
just unloading my burden somewhat.