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**Sarah Armstrong** · 04-13-2008, 10:43 AM

11.01

is the time i start answering your post vithar. i sense you are sending out cries for help in almost every post i read. i'm not going to get into any heavy discussion with you, just share some of my 58-yaear lifestory.

i'm a heavy scorp myself, sun conj mercury square pluto (ruler of scorpio), libra moon sextile pluto, capricorn venus 144 pluto, pluto sextile mc. i also have scorpios traditional ruler mars conj saturn in the 12:th house of hidden enemies/spiritualty square kiron, the wounded healer, the "job-aspect" and i have a t-square venus/neptune/nn and satrun conj as square mc. that's the "horrorside" of my chart.

there are other more gentle sides also, but i just want to say that i have experienced hell on earth and there are days when i still think and fear that nothing i come across ever is going to change my fate, and that i'm going to loose in the end no matter what i do, never mind the synchronicities, astrology, forums, happy moments etc. ; my fate is to be outcast, misunderstood and not because i don't have any talents, no just because of that i'm constantly meeting envious pple who try to use me and then throw me away.

this is a reflection of something i have internalized from a harsh upbringing with a schizofrenic mother, jealous step-mother and a weak father, and when seeking help at 27 the "the-rape-ist" tried to seduce me during the councelling and breaking out of that i met a meditationguru who brainwashed me and i ended up in a mental hospital for 4 years after having a psychosis developing into an agony depression.

at the hospital i was bullied by a mail nurse who said for instance "you're not more depressed than i am, and isn' t it cosy to be in a place where you're served food everydaý without having to work for it? i had such agony that i thought i would be in this hell until my dying day and feeli ng these knives cutting my soul to pieces every minute.

i don't say i'm innocent; i probably set this scenario up before incarnating, i probably did misuse my spiritual powers as a mayan, and i've done some nasty things myself in this life not of the dignity i met in these reflections though.....

i somehow thank the universe for my psychic breakdown even if i felt (and sometimes still do) like a victim. iv'e been engaged in the peacemovement as a singer/songwriter, in the left-movment because of the injustices in the world /(but not anymore due to the denial of spirituality f.i.) i've been in the greenmovement, "the earth is our mother" philosophy, i've lost my caréer, i can't teach music and french anymore due to outburn after i tried to come back after the hospital. i've been into several sickness-dependencyrelationships after coming out from the "prisonhospital" i live alone with my dog, my step-mother still tries to stop me from seeing my father..

this is the dark side of my life. i always recall this when i'm going down, and then i rejoice over the fact that i'm rather healthy, i've got some friends even if they don't share my spiritual interests, i have a wonderful dog, a still rather undestroyed nature close to my home, i can still sing, play the guitar and the fiddle, i have an apartment, this website (and all the doubts of course that this is just another "sect" "end of the world" "we will disappear together if we reach 51% sto...of course, i've been brainwashed, has anyone else here this experience???)

i dont't want to pretend to believe something just because i read it on a website, i can only rely on personal experience, so in a way i really can identify myself with you vithar, with the difference that it seems like i rise more easilly from the ashes like the phoenix. it must be allowed to be sad, bitter and disillusioned....i was for a looooooooooooong time.

i just hope for us all that things will change, and they will, that's the only thing we know for sure.

what i appreciate the most about david is his honesty about his own shortcomings and understanding of co-, counterdependency..he actually has inspired me to dare to be open with my own "horrorstory"
thanks david

liliane

suppose the moderators will move this thread somewhere else, it's ok with me.

04-13-2008, 10:43 AM	#1
Sarah Armstrong Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 554 Senior Member	11.01 is the time i start answering your post vithar. i sense you are sending out cries for help in almost every post i read. i'm not going to get into any heavy discussion with you, just share some of my 58-yaear lifestory. i'm a heavy scorp myself, sun conj mercury square pluto (ruler of scorpio), libra moon sextile pluto, capricorn venus 144 pluto, pluto sextile mc. i also have scorpios traditional ruler mars conj saturn in the 12:th house of hidden enemies/spiritualty square kiron, the wounded healer, the "job-aspect" and i have a t-square venus/neptune/nn and satrun conj as square mc. that's the "horrorside" of my chart. there are other more gentle sides also, but i just want to say that i have experienced hell on earth and there are days when i still think and fear that nothing i come across ever is going to change my fate, and that i'm going to loose in the end no matter what i do, never mind the synchronicities, astrology, forums, happy moments etc. ; my fate is to be outcast, misunderstood and not because i don't have any talents, no just because of that i'm constantly meeting envious pple who try to use me and then throw me away. this is a reflection of something i have internalized from a harsh upbringing with a schizofrenic mother, jealous step-mother and a weak father, and when seeking help at 27 the "the-rape-ist" tried to seduce me during the councelling and breaking out of that i met a meditationguru who brainwashed me and i ended up in a mental hospital for 4 years after having a psychosis developing into an agony depression. at the hospital i was bullied by a mail nurse who said for instance "you're not more depressed than i am, and isn' t it cosy to be in a place where you're served food everydaý without having to work for it? i had such agony that i thought i would be in this hell until my dying day and feeli ng these knives cutting my soul to pieces every minute. i don't say i'm innocent; i probably set this scenario up before incarnating, i probably did misuse my spiritual powers as a mayan, and i've done some nasty things myself in this life not of the dignity i met in these reflections though..... i somehow thank the universe for my psychic breakdown even if i felt (and sometimes still do) like a victim. iv'e been engaged in the peacemovement as a singer/songwriter, in the left-movment because of the injustices in the world /(but not anymore due to the denial of spirituality f.i.) i've been in the greenmovement, "the earth is our mother" philosophy, i've lost my caréer, i can't teach music and french anymore due to outburn after i tried to come back after the hospital. i've been into several sickness-dependencyrelationships after coming out from the "prisonhospital" i live alone with my dog, my step-mother still tries to stop me from seeing my father.. this is the dark side of my life. i always recall this when i'm going down, and then i rejoice over the fact that i'm rather healthy, i've got some friends even if they don't share my spiritual interests, i have a wonderful dog, a still rather undestroyed nature close to my home, i can still sing, play the guitar and the fiddle, i have an apartment, this website (and all the doubts of course that this is just another "sect" "end of the world" "we will disappear together if we reach 51% sto...of course, i've been brainwashed, has anyone else here this experience???) i dont't want to pretend to believe something just because i read it on a website, i can only rely on personal experience, so in a way i really can identify myself with you vithar, with the difference that it seems like i rise more easilly from the ashes like the phoenix. it must be allowed to be sad, bitter and disillusioned....i was for a looooooooooooong time. i just hope for us all that things will change, and they will, that's the only thing we know for sure. what i appreciate the most about david is his honesty about his own shortcomings and understanding of co-, counterdependency..he actually has inspired me to dare to be open with my own "horrorstory" thanks david liliane suppose the moderators will move this thread somewhere else, it's ok with me.
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